Foooong Online

23 Days Later...

2010-02-04T22:43:00.000+08:00

Hey World

School has started for 2 weeks, and for some strange reason, I'm already swamped with stuff to do. Right now I am fortunate enough to be able to relax a little bit, let off some steam, and finally put my thoughts to words (or pixels, if you like).

Long story short, taking MCATs and 4 subjects (the normal load) is not exactly fun, nor should I allow that to be a damper to my college days. Indeed, the workload is already pretty high, and it's only the 2nd week! I must imagine the later weeks will prove to be a harder test. For the MCATs, it's tough to score very well on it as it requires exceptional knowledge and it focuses on critical thinking, the stuff that it's believed to make great doctors. It's not healthy to dwell upon self-defeatist slogans, and I am gonna try my best for it...and perhaps be encouraged (and maybe encourage) others along the way too.

When I was waiting to disembark on the plane heading back to the States, I thought up a line to describe myself...unfortunately it has a very emo ring to it and literal reading of it may actually exaggerate what's inside me. So here it goes:

"The heaviest luggage is not what you carry in your hands - it's what's in your heart" - Josh Foong (but I bet someone else must have quoted this already!)

Honestly, I had an immensely enjoyable time being back home, catching up with family, friends and church...and appreciating that I will always have a home back in Singapore. The bonds I have made at home are still going really strong, and I truly appreciate that. This also makes leaving home a little harder than usual, having to put those bonds on pause again as I make my way back to the Land of the Brave, and not knowing where my feet will be in the next couple of years.

The prospect of having a future in the States is a very big and attractive dream to me right now. I may be similar in terms of personality in both back home and in the States...and yet I find myself drawn to the States itself, the opportunities I could look into, the values the nation is built upon, the people I've met etc...I can't exactly express the nature of my "drawing" to the States into definitive words. This is nothing to say anything negative about Singapore too...it will always be home for me, a place where I can trust in having loving family and friends...just that the government puts me off (I am not directly affected by their policies, but the disingenuoscity they exude in action and speech).

I guess this is a time of waiting, preparing and praying...to put my desires before God, and seek His direction in my life. Realistically, I would continue to study in the States provided I can get into a medical school here (which is a task of a very tall order!) or even if I meet someone special over there...(I know, oooOOOooo, but hey that's what I really believe that is important too).

For now, I would continue soldiering on with my college career, continue to grow closer to God in our relationship...and maybe blog more often?

Take care,

Joshua

Rekindling Age-old Ash

2010-01-10T23:53:00.001+08:00

Hey Everyone

Hope you all are doing fine and in good health!

Well, I had this blog running roughly a couple of year’s back, and somehow it died as I occupied myself with a lot of things that starved the blog of much needed time and attention…especially since I have the tendency of spending at least an hour on a simple post, making sure I am making sense in good (or acceptable) English. The advent of facebook also accelerated the process, as it experienced a population boom that beats the earth’s in terms of percentage, with FB allowing me to detail my life (and look at others too) in a convenient and quick fashion.

Also, I just got back from a holiday in HK, and I have felt that I’ve been largely wasting thinking energy upon myself, coming up with thoughts in “aloof” prose that have not found any physical form to live down the ages. In short, I’ve been thinking without writing, “wasting eloquence” if I can put it in as humble a form I can. The chinese have a saying: “The worst pen beats the best memory”, and it’ll probably help to have a record of my thoughts to look at in the future.

In life, I tend to listen to others a lot, and I haven’t really found the time and setting when I can (at least) attempt to fully express my mind to others, regardless of how earnest they may be in finding out more about me. It’s no one’s fault at all. I admit right here that I am lousy at coming up with spontaneous descriptions on what I think or feel at most moments, and only able to do that when I’m alone or even writing (like now). Just seems like writing brings about a different palette of colors to paint our lives with, talking may be instant, but it’s a different way of communication, and I find that without writing, I will be unable to express more detailed and perhaps more expressive areas of my life from the inside. You can’t cook nice curry with a frying pan.

So I’ll try to just start this blog again, and not for the narcissistic ideal of “showcasing myself” to the world, but just as an area to give my thoughts form, perhaps to truly seek to better communicate the “going-ons” in my life to others (if they are even interested haha), and to act as a platform to open myself up to God and the Holy Spirit’s guidance. In life, I do find that we all (or at least I) have the need to spend time away from the hussle and bussle of life, to reflect upon our inner condition, and truly come into fuller knowledge of the bigger picture (God’s will for us in life, spiritual health etc). It’s too easy to be mixed up with the rush of life, and miss out on what is truly critical in our lives…spiritual fruit being one of them (Galatians 5:22).

Hope this is not another flash in the pan, and welcome aboard if you’ll like to tag along this journey.

Take care and God bless,

Joshua

Wordpress Wunderland?

2008-07-07T20:05:00.000+08:00

Hi Guys

After giving some thought over a very long period of time, I have finally decided to try out blogging on wordpress. Still exploring what a free wordpress blog can do, and hopefully get my blog up again after dying since Nov 2007.

Take care, and check this space.

Imperical Theory

2007-11-01T14:19:00.000+08:00

Why Empire?

Roughly the original Star Wars goes like this: The Empire are more or less the 'bad guys' of the Star Wars universe. They are a huge organization that ruled the planets with fear. Corruption, shortsightness, and tactical ineptness have been hallmarks of the Empire.

Unfortunately (just joking) some of my good friends happen to support the 'good guys' called the Rebel Alliance or whatever, and for a good reason I believe many more do prefer the rebels. The rebels are the answer to the 'evil Empire', and consistently achieve success over the Imperials. Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia and Chewbacca are just the few of the heroic faces that saturate the Rebellion.

I'll try my best to present my case as logically as possible, and I admit I have not read expansively on the expanded universe. Rebel victories irk me and I stay away from them (I did read a bit but I got turned off). I am aware of events that would cause me to be a rebel-emphatizer such as the alliance against the Yuzhan-voong.

One can say that I am biased in sources, and I accept that within reason. The expanded universe ultimately draws upon what the movies have portrayed initially, or else they can't be called 'Star Wars'. Since the rebels already are pictured as the winners, it would not be surprising for the expanded universe to follow in a similar vein.

For me, I can't imagine myself liking the rebel movement for quite a few reasons. Not that I love evil and that kind of stuff...but deeper than that. No single sentence can really convey my preference for the Empire haha.

1. Rebels are the 'Convenient Choice'

This is one of the main reasons why I don't like rebels. It is just too easy to fawn over the good guys and woo for them. They win practically anywhere...movies, novels, comupter games and such. Is it hard to support someone who's a good guy and winning? People like to be associated with champions (since they are remembered for winning, such as wearing Nike apparel or being a Man Utd fan haha).

In a way, this can be linked back to real life. Remember those 'easy solutions' that now plague the world? Fertilization was the 'way' for the green revolution, Vioxx was withdrawn from shelves worldwide, even DDT started out with widespread belief of its answer to pests. It is tempting to accept the solution without taking notes of possible implications. GM foods is another 'easy solution' that is really killing us in the background of big companies and political manipulation.

People might argue that the rebels paid the cost in their lives, hardship, emotional stress and so on...then more so for the Empire. 2 Death Stars (or moon-sized space stations) staffed by Imperials on them perished in their duties. The Rebellion had the storywriters on their side and usually rebel victories smell of 'artistic license'...think Ewoks. :)

Check these cool links out:

The Endor Holocaust

Principle of Evil Marksmenship

2. Possible in Real Life?

Real life rebel movements also do not prove that rebellions are wholly altruistic or are free of criticism. Being a rebel is not a life that is simply all about fighting for freedom or against a huge and oppressive power. Humans are infamous for ulterior motives, and what makes the Alliance free from manipulation? They already depend on smugglers (who now have an avenue to put on an ethical front on their operations), they need to garner popular support (what if 1 planet doesn't agree? Would rebels just happily walk away and say 'thank you and continue to support Empire scum'), and Rebels exist as long as there is war.

The Empire also cannot be a wholly evil organization, with its tactically inept members bent on self-advancement. For one, we can always examine the empires of this real world. It is too simplistic to say all the empires were bad, as they did oppress their colonies and robbed them of their national heritage (China has lost a LOT from the British, and the British refuse to return them to 'help preserve history'),

Well, no one face can describe the whole Empire. Even though the stormtroopers and TIE fighter pilots are clones, identical twin experiments have shown large differences between twins. Everybody's different and it is within logical reason to postulate that there are noble people in the Empire, Pellaeon would be one of them.

3. Good Intentions turn Bad

Ever believed someone would like to be corrupt for the sake of it? Is it possible to have purely evil intentions that drew upon evil? Thing is...it's not as easy as that. Let's take a look at Emperor Palpatine:

What he wants (what others think): No good Jedis, since he's a Sith and evil.

What he may think: It's his life mission, and he needs to achieve it for his organization he lives for, the Sith. In short, 'keeping it real'.

What he used to achieve his goals: Smarts and guile. Really fooled those wise Jedis.

Everyone has a life mission, and Palpatine used his gifts to attain it with dedication (what we all strive to do so too). The gifts themselves are noble qualities, but its applications are not noble in this context. Ultimately, this evil grew from a legitimate goal, and notable gifts were used to evil ends. Bad draws its meaning and power from good.

Message is: It's too easy for us to call others evil because we just don't agree with their goals.

*of course this philosophical argument is very short...it's a blog after all!

Long Time No Blog

2007-10-21T13:27:00.000+08:00

Hi Guys and Gals

It's been quite awhile since I sat down to update this blog. Well, here's a summary of what happened to me for the past 2 weeks (not that I think I can remember well enough):

Signs of Fall start to come

- Carlisle rain gets more frequent
- Temp drops to 5 Celcius at night, but still fluctuates

Last Day of 1st half of Semester (12th Oct 2007)

- 1 Chem exam on last day before Fall Pause
- Finished off 2 drafts of papers (Bio and another about Reuters)

13th Oct 2007

- Tried out Chinese restaurant (China Palace), not that great.

Fall Pause (14 - 16th Oct 2007): NYC

Did quite a bit of stuff: Visit Aunt Virginia, watched Darjeeling express (takes some exercise to make sense of it), visited Empire State Building, ate Malaysian food, get lost in Subway, NYC river yellow taxi tour, sleep in dingy hostel room.

This is a student hostel room. Fits 1 person.
Visit my Facebook if you'd like to see photos.

Started School on 17th Oct

- Week felt short (only 3 days long), yet long (due to work?)

Today:

Worked breakfast and lunch shifts
Went for a warm gathering in basement, held by a Chinese-speaking church from Harrisburg
Need to do up Reuters paper draft.
Study for Chem quiz
Study for Math test
Go to Church
Prepare for mock-trial, Monday

So in short: I haven't had the time to sit down and slack. Wish I could, but that's life I guess. Being born a cow in the morning isn't fun...my Aunt comments I am destined to a life of hard work. Not that I am bothered anyway.

Well, enough about my life, I actually wanted to share a thought that I have been holding for quite awhile.

The Horoscopic Picture of Life

I guess everyone here is familiar with the horoscopes right? The western one that has Gemini, Capricorn etc...well each of them has a symbol right?

When I was young, I knew I was supposed to be 'Aquarius'. Everyone had the 'cool signs' (Ares ram, Leo lion, Taurus bull), and I had a 'horoscopic identity crisis'. Sometimes the sign was just plain old water, maybe a jar was added to add some 'ancient-ness' , and even some had cartoon characters poring the jug to save the sign from its ignoble status of just being water.

The ubiquitous horoscope, from ivenus.com
Although I didn't feel good about having an 'uncool sign', I liked what it says about fellow Aquarians and one of my BFFs is an aquarian too. But it doesn't matter now, horoscopes are vague and wedding statistics do not support zodiac matches.

What strikes me is how we find meaning, and base our lives on the pictures we hold about ourselves. We focus symbols that are supposed to represent us, especially when it is something given to us not under our direct control. Examples range from school badges, army insignia, company logos, and horoscopes.

Then the question to everyone is: What's your picture of yourself? Or for Christians, is God in that picture?

Well, I am not here to encourage selfishness and focusing on glorifying our self-image. More like does it reflect reality? If we don't have a realistic picture of our purpose on Earth, we might find ourselves leading a contradictory or questonable lifestyle.

So what's so important about God in this? He's real, and He cares about you.

Just another short thought:

From 21 years of waking up, I find the first person I would think of when I wake up is: myself. Think about it, when you open your eyes it's 'I am awake' or something like that. Of course we may be dreaming and the last line of your wacky dream flies off as your eyes open. If you didn't think you were awake, you would probably just stone there...with a blank mind. (I may be proven wrong haha)

Well, I've gotta go now and sleep for church tomorrow. It's been a long day and it's my pleasure to type here for you guys.

Good Hunting
Joshua

Life/Lie

2007-10-01T03:56:00.000+08:00

Hi Guys

Just a random thought I had...would the following statement make sense?

- To live life is to lie with a 'F'

No one likes being lied to, and yet we lie to each other on a constant basis. Some cite is as a survival instinct, while others do not think it is such a big problem. Lies are pretty general in nature and truthfully, are convenient ways to sin. Part of the dreaded 'comfortable sin' contingent, that silently catches us off guard.

That could bring us to another question:

The word 'right' in the moral sense. Would it be possible to have a lie 'right'? Of course this would conjure a whole torrent of debate and I don't have the capacity to craft one anyway. It is in these ambiguous situations that we should seek some direction.

In the Christian view, lying is to be avoided, as it leads to deceit. I do not doubt that Biblical figures have lied before. I admit here that none of us are free from lies as long as we live on this Earth. Even I lie. At times it may seem foolish to stick to telling the truth...that's where we need wisdom.

It doesn't mean we can freely state 'I asked God for wisdom' and act like how we would want to. Asking for wisdom is not just some effortless prayer to the sky above either. It also involves a commitment to reinforce one's theological foundations (study the Bible, ask questions to others...etc), and also ultimately being responsible of one's choices.

Quite a sticky situation right? Man I need to read more.

Joshua

Cooldown in Carlisle

2007-09-19T12:38:00.000+08:00

Heeeeeeello Guys!

It has been a long time since I have blog, and man does blogging sometimes seem to be writing intensive, and narcissitic. Temp in Carlisle is a chill 5 - 20 celcius. Pretty cool, as in cold.

Oh yeah, here's a fortuitous picture I took. I was just focusing on the signpost and this car came by.

I didn't even see the dog until I was editing the photos. Funny.

Just finished another chem lab. I seem to have a jinx...I am always the last to finish my trials and readings, the sole guy still standing there doing the experiment again. Reminds me of my JC days, when lab was before recess. Usually, people will leave the lab before me and enjoy a long recess...not so for me though. Always there until the lab is almost empty.

After 2 years of not ever touching a pipette or volumetric flask, I need to get back up to speed. I am not too worried about taking too long to do experiments now, as I still finish within the period. Of course, it's an area to improve on.

No suprise, I have been quite busy lately. Work (duh, that's why I am in college): tests, exams, readings, summarizings, labs and pure laziness. Well, busyness is kind of like a choice. It may sound preposterous and do think about it for a moment. When we are busy, don't we tend to focus on what we need to do? Or live life on a pre-planned structure and plan each day like a co-ord (army term for a meeting)?

At times I have and I admit it is not great. Makes me lose sight of what we should simply cherish each day in our lives. How about God? Or being thankful for those close to you? On a ratio of yourself:everyone else can't be equal to 1. Busyness is a choice, if we choose to devote our lives to accomplishing things and not focus on other things like the needs of others around you. We are busy, but don't let it overwhelm our lives.

The Convenience Sauce

Heinz ketchup, from www.thegeminiweb.com

After eating in the cafeteria for quite some time...since I see ketchup everyday. This analogy kind of struck me. I'm not suprised if some other great scholar or philosoher...or just someone else figured it out and preached it in his/her words.

Ketchup is the easy answer to bad tasting food. Blend broccoli? Add the zest with ketchup! Not enough taste? Douse 'em in red glory! Now anybody can have a good tasting meal thanks to ketchup. Be a cook with ketchup. Of course there are some who hate ketchup (ask the French), and don't we have to agree that ketchup's being used everywhere?

So ketchup can be applied as an approach we use in life. We 'ketchup' our life, whenever we don't choose to recognize the blendness, the distastefulness and the dryness that is ever-present in mortal existence. Refuse to taste bitterness to preserve my happiness, or maintain my belief that all is going right. If you firmly believe your life is going all right, and have no worries, try to think again. No one has been able to live just each day without having sinned in one way. Not in terms of murdering people, but thinking lustful thoughts, judge someone instantly, clutch onto prideful self-confidence...except Jesus.

That's why I need the Cross each day.

Well, I need to take my leave now my friends. Have fun out there and see you soon :)

God Bless,
Joshua

2nd Post in the US

2007-09-07T11:57:00.001+08:00

Hi Everybody

How has life been going on for you? I think there is one question that people will find hard not to find an answer for: Do you have any pains and weaknesses? Well, we all have our pains and failings - God wants to hear about it (it's is in His character).

Today for Me

Today's been a long day for me. Started off nearly blind with an awful right eye infection. Could barely open my eyes before my right eye gets deluged in tears and great trubbing pain. Thank God I was able to leave my dorm, eat breakfast, and go to the Health Center. While I sat at the entrance of the health center before it opened, I rested my eyes due to my infection.

Well, the health system here is very different from Singapore. I was attended to by an accredited Nurse, and the health center doesn't prescribe drugs. Fortunately, there was a college despatch driver that helped a lot to drive me to the pharmacy and back. Got my drugs and my eye is much better now. I better find a way to thank the driver.

I think today taught me to be thankful to God always. Initial results from a little chem quiz and math assignment had revisitations of my old nemesis: carelessness. A part of me felt quite pissed about the mistakes, but I knew it was not right to feel that way. My first response was to thank God for giving it to me, I didn't do too badly, it is a realistic reflection of me (and my weaknesses), it is up to me to build on what I have now. and why should I stress over such trifle things? Of course I will need a 3.5+/4.0 GPA (or 90%) to be a doctor, but will I allow it to skew my view on life? No way.

Had a 'wet' bio lab today - that means I am out in the field with the class. It was cool. Went to a nature sanctuary that was in the lower part of the mountain range. Lots of wildflowers and trees. Applied plant identification, analysed herbivory, watched out for pollinators (managed only bees...I suck) and enjoy nature (and it was 30 degrees celsius).

Thing is, before this class I always thought plants were boring because they just stay still. Little did I know that plants have a heck of a lot of adaptations, and how they interact with animals is a very interesting topic. So if you look at a field of flowers, do keep this in mind: There's more than meets the eye.

Some Singapore Stuff:

Not sure if I am the only Singaporean in Dickinson, but I think so. Well, coming from a small country, I am accustomed to the need to know the whole world (and this is not entirely through GP). In the US, not many people (not just Americans) know much about Singapore, and I can appreciate where they come from. Our flag looks weird to some. Singapore does play a huge role in some areas, but ultimately it is a country of 4 million, barely the size of a state in the US.

Just had correspondence with a church bro back in Singapore. Well, the youth group prepared a very thoughtful and touching book, and a well-done pen with sleeve. I did not expect getting anything before I left. Heh, thanks loads for the parting gifts. Of course I won't forget you guys. Now it's my turn to respond right? First thing first, I'll pray with you guys.

After about 3 weeks in the US, I am appreciating the seriousness behind the decision to go overseas. You will leave behind an environment you are used to (or even 'top of the chain'), friends you easily gel with, eating tasty food, speaking a language (Singlish) that is nationally recognized, and the family you have grown up with most of your living life.

Not that I am homesick, but I would like to take this time to remember the links I have back in Singapore. Be it family, schoolmates, or church mates, they have given me so much in terms of their time, resources or support, that I value the worth of relationships. Well, I am away now and don't worry too much...it's my aim not to forget these relationships. I won't be mushy and stay so connected to home that I do not go out to meet others.

It's time for me to go off now, and hope you'll have a great day/night ahead (depending on where you are). Here's a pic I took of the library at my college.

Have fun and God Bless,
Joshua

1st Post in the US

2007-08-25T08:02:00.000+08:00

Hey Guys (and Girls, to satify any feminst requirements)!

This is my first post in the US, and a very small step in the long journey of education overseas. I'm in Dickinson College and it's a great school. Lots of tradition and strong academics. I haven't officially attended my first class yet though.

Well, how do I start? Beats me. So many things have happened to me and I'll try my best to reflect my thoughts here.

So let me rip some photos from my brother's facebook:

It was an emotional day for me when I was flying off. NS was only 2 years and I could come back on weekends. This is a totally different game. I am the minority in a whole new environment without having my family near to me. I didn't exactly ask friends to come down and they did. Thanks to those who came, really appreciate the effort you have made.

Quite a few of the youth from the church came down to see me off too. And I can testify here that they are faithful workers of Christ. I maybe away from church for quite a long time, that doesn't mean I am not connected to them! I'll continue to pray for NLYM (my Church youth ministry).

Also, NLYM prepared a farewell book. Gotta ask Tim who contributed to it, as it does look like a lot of effort was poured into it! I am thankful for the gift, and I'll certainly keep it :) Well, NLYM played a huge role in my spiritual growth and I do not regret serving there (I didn't want to initially). One thing's for sure: NLYM has a bright future provided the members work together. Remember, love each other and others will see you are disciples of Christ.

Blooded Ones from Barker Days came down to see me off too (sniff). They are perhaps the closest buds in my life, and I have to admit I did get a bit stranded from them. Got my balance a little wrong (with concurrent stuff going on) and I couldn't spend much time with them before I left. No worries, I cherish the good times and relations we had. We all are going seperate ways and know what, we shall keep in contact! Not an obligation or 'duty', but as close friends. That's my promise.

How to make a 21 year old guy cry? One way is to give him some free time (to have memorable experiences), a good home to be comfy in, build close relationships with others (Church, friends etc.), caring and supportive parents, and forget he is going to be away for a long long time.

Trust me, I cried quite a bit in the holding area before going on the plane. Couldn't hold back the spontaneous tears, and as a guy...felt the natural need to hide the tears. Abnormal psychology you can call it (if you are a girl). Couldn't help but just cry, maybe it is the 'new' feeling of severing the warm links built for years.

The Flight (SQ 22)

I took the direct to US flight, so that meant 19 hours of flying and reliving the long flight experience (I did it a couple of times before this). It flew Northwards all the way, even above the North Pole, and right down to Newark NJ. I tried peeking out for a view at the North Pole. I just saw clouds. Bummer.

If you are going to take the direct to USA flight, do keep this in mind: When you go over Ulan Bator, make sure you look out of the window! When I was there, there were no clouds and I could see the pristine fields of Mongolia. It was like those geographical maps made real, fields of green, crumpled ridges of mountain/hills, rivers of solid blue and dotted towns that lined the waterways. I respect map-drawers of the past, daring to chart maps without seeing it from above. Furthermore, it's a glimpse of how great God is. He created the world we know of now, and let's it continue to live on...

Caught 5 movies in the flight. Fracture (need to know some US lawyer lingo to fully appreciate this one), Hot Fuzz (good concept, really over-the-top and bland ending), and the Shrek Trilogy (back to back!).

Thing about Shrek, I don't follow the common conception that the first is the best and the third sucked yada yada yada. The 3 episodes each dealt with different aspects of a new sub-genre of fairy tales that challenges the 'disney norm', and can't say if one is better than the other.

There's one character that made my mind think quite a bit.

Prince Charming

You know Prince Charming? He's a good example of human psychology. He is blessed with good looks, has a mom who takes good care of him (manipulates for his advantage), supposed to marry a beautiful Princess Fiona, and become king. He had a lot of things going for him and he naturally expects success and popular support.

I call this the 'Prince Charming Syndrome'. When we perceive that we have a slew of blessings (grades, looks, popularity etc.), we feel wholly superior than others. That could lead us to firmly believe that are deserve the recognition of others. Convinced that we are the head above the rest, special treatment is expected. I am worth a lot to others, and they should have it my way.

This is dangerous as it leads to a trap we will find it very hard to get out of. We have no control of events outside of our lives. Things will go wrong, regardless of how blessed I am. Other people can get on with their lives without you. Once smacked with failure and rejection, we can dwell in self-pity and hunger to reclaim our 'destiny', or face a very hard truth. Self-worth is not based on how others treat us or any success in our lives.

It is not for me to dictate what self-worth is, as everyone will have a different view of this. What I can say is that the Bible is a good source to find that out. It's gotta do with your concept of God and the things He gave you in your life...whether you are using them intentionally, for your own needs or for His Purpose, because there will be a time when we can't do anything about them anymore.

In a practical sense, as an overseas student I'd expect preferencial treatment from my friends/family back home. With so much well-wishes, people who miss you, or others who dearly feel your absence, I would like to expect them to care about me at the instant I come back. 'Look guys, I'm here from all the way from USA and aren't you happy to see me??? (Come and make me feel treasured)'.

Don't worry, I want to avoid that.

Well, that's a load of stuff to type here...and I don't want to bore anyone to death :) I'll leave it here and I will post new updates on my life all the way in America. Currently, I am going through orientation and getting to know the school better, integrating myself into the community and one thing's for sure: I will be busy.

Hope to see you again at this spot of the internet!

Have fun and God bless,
Joshua

The Word 'but'

2007-08-16T00:03:00.000+08:00

Hello

How have you been doing? Not everyone has an easy life and I appreciate you coming down to this blog. Not that I would like to invite self-pity, it is a show of appreciation of those who actually come here to read this blog. That's all.

After gone through a few meetings...I'd like to share something that could prove useful in life.

The Word 'But'

Everybody we meet wants to be heard. Guess that's the point why we want to talk to others. What if we disagree with what he/she said? Is there a way to disagree in an unoffending manner?

This has been a mental puzzle for me. I tried to rehearse such discussions through my mind and I knew the natural way of disagreeing sounded wrong.

Dale Carnegie pointed out a simple fact: It's the word 'but'.

Remember this popular stereotype on TV during the '80s and '90s?

Boss: 'DO THIS'
Employee/hireling: 'But...'
Boss: 'No buts!'

From here we can see a very poignant lesson in life that few (especially in Singapore) fail to learn. The boss is actually right.

The word 'but' aggressively negates whatever is said before it. Something can't be true and agree with what is said after the 'BUT'. Short, sharp and sting-y.

So in our conversations with others...using the word 'but' is not a great sign to show that we actually listen and appreciate (process and think through...) what he/she has said earlier. Worse still, if we start off 'BUT'!

And in the end...what should we do?

Simple, replace it with 'and'. Try it.

So for a very simple example:

A: 'Ok guys, let's do X...'
B: 'Well, A, we can do X and we should consider (point of disagreement).'

This method takes the sting out, perhaps makes us really think what the other has said, and in effect demonstrates appropriate sympathy for their views.

That's my 2 cents for now, and I hope it helps. If you're more interested in this kind of human relation stuff, I strongly suggest the Dale Carnegie Course. Reading his books is barely enough :) Hehe trust me.

Well, hope to see you guys back here another time! Have fun and remember to eat your vitamins.

God Bless,
Joshua

A Little Late Entry

2007-08-13T12:33:00.000+08:00

Hello Everybody :)

Well, this is the start of what is effectively my last week of being a ho-bo in Singapore. I'm gonna start school again real soon, and heading to the US does seem to leave me in a cacophony of feelings.

Of course, I would prefer to choose the easy option to staying in Singapore and study a course I can get in. I have (not in order of preference) great friends, an involving Church, a warm family and tantalizing food to eat at home...and it is natural to feel the severing of my attachment to them in my heart (actually it occurs in the brain).

Have to say I had a good time since I left SAF. Completed the Dale Carnegie Course (and looking to build on it), worked part time in the kindergarten, helped run a memorable Church camp, go out and eat good food, prepare my entry in college, take loads of photos and so on...and yet this brings me to an essential point we all need to consider:

Do we focus on the success or the significance of our lives? Do we immediately busy ourselves in doing a lot of things and yet miss looking into the significance of the stuff we do (like to others, or for God)?

It is dangerous to judge my life on the successes, for they have their value given by humans and do not last with me after I die. Simply said, there is more to life and that is eternal life. I place my trust in God not as a blind believer, but as someone who knows what I am headed to. I see His Hand in all the things we have (good and ill) and recognize His loving sacrifice in Jesus to scale the Bridge of Sin. His Will is what I seek for and I stand accountable to Him with what I have.

Looking back, I wouldn't have wanted to be where I am right now. Proud with 3 As (which is nothing much in Singapore), I was looking up at NUS and UK to get a MBBS...thought that I didn't need Kenyon College (which is a very good school). I didn't get in to all of them. It is all too easy to rue them all and curse my luck!

Most importantly, I had lots of missed chances and that does not diminish my joy in getting into Dickinson College (which is also a very good school). I choose not to be swayed by past negative circumstances and I see Dickinson as my next step...to a very long journey. I choose to pursue it to learn and to use this opportunity to use my life for God. I have been placed here and I would use it to my best.

Haha that's about enough babblering for now...as I need to prepare myself this week for school. Packing my bags is certainly a daunting task.

I wish you all the best and hope to see you again here in this corner of the internet!

Regards,
Joshua

Handphone Photography

2007-07-20T10:18:00.000+08:00

Hello and welcome!

In this next post...I have kept up a more frequent updating schedule! So for 3 weeks we haven't seen a month long delay! Anyway, that's lame.

Well, this entry's about 2 photos I have taken on my handphone! Yes, Joshua doesn't use the big-black-can-kill-people-if-thrown camera all the time.

Road Plants:

Well, during my traffic duties in Newton Kindergarten, I found some small little plants that grew out of the brick road at the front of the church:

Since young, I was always fascinated by these plants. There is no one to put soil in there, to fertilize the soil, to plant the seeds correctly and it is exposed to the weather (and maybe car tyres)...more or less the plants had everything against them. (or so it seems)

And yet they can grow! And more then that...they can be found in a lot of places other plants couldn't have survived! An added plus is that they have really nice little delicate flowers too.

Kinda reminds me of the story of seeds and good ground in the Bible. We are like the seeds of these plants and there are many places we could end up. On the brickroad, in the gut of an animal, snuffed out by other weeds and so on.

Yet, if we land in the good soil in between the cracks...and if we persevere on we can become like these amazing plants. Not only survive the harsh conditions, and prosper in the middle of it at the same time!

What is this soil in our lives? That is the nourishing Word of God...it doesn't solve physical hungers. It gifts us wisdom in life's true spiritual hungers. Do you recognize the inner need for spiritual health? I hungered and the Bible has fed me well. It continues to be the book to read daily!

Misleading Vending Machine Ad

On a lighter note...I noticed this advertisement for Heaven and Earth tea.

I apologize for the poor quality...as it is low light and camera phones are not great cameras regardless of megapixels (Mathematically it is a square function. So 5MP vs 8MP is an invisible difference. You need a 25MP camera to see the difference, and none of us have one yet).

Can visit this webbie to take a look: http://www.kenrockwell.com/tech/mpmyth.htm

What is wrong with this ad?

1) It is a bottled drink on the machine that sells cans.
2) There is no bin/chute on the machine (look at bottom)

It's just nitpicking and I am not saying here that Heaven and Earth is bad tea or something. I do not drink it and I think drinking tea is good for your health. Better than drinking coke haha.

Well, I have to go now and see you soon on this little corner of the internet. Have fun out there and remember, eating vegetables is good for your health also.

Jesus loves you,
Joshua

Uncle Josh

2007-07-11T19:20:00.000+08:00

Hello Surfer!

In this more frequent entry to my blog's that collecting dust, I'd like to give you the warmest welcome your computer screen can afford!

I am currently helping out in Newton Kindergarten as a traffic warden, and as one you get to see lots of stuff. I just got sprayed by a kid with a water gun today. Yesterday, I was a good 50m away from an accident (involving 4 vehicles) and yet I didn't see it.

Truthfully, I thank God for this job.

Don't get me wrong, this job can be quite tiring, even though it doesn't sound much. The kindergarten had some difficulty in getting parents to obey the traffic rule in front of the church: No drop off and pick up. Senior Pastor is quite firm on this.

As a traffic warden, I get to see the 'ugly' side of Singaporean adults. I agree that they are putting their child's interest first and I respect that. No one can disagree that a child's safety is of paramount importance, and it would be good to follow the rule to ensure the safety of everyone else.

Thing is...I received very different reception from other parents and help I have received. Some have been quite supportive and they make my day great :) The church staff have been great. However, some adults ignore me (while breaking the rule), and some justify themselves in a heated way. Fortunately for now, the situation is stable and all the drivers have been obeying the rule well.

Interestingly...I am being called 'uncle'! Do I look that old?

You may think that's because I am 16 years older than some of the children, but even their parents call me that! Not the 'kor kor' (older brother) I am accustomed to, but a term I myself use for older people. Man I am getting old.

Well, I've gotta go now and dive back to real life. Have fun out there and God Bless.

Joshua

A Young View on Cover Versions

2007-07-04T09:56:00.000+08:00

Hi there,

Well, if you all are detectives you would instantly find out that I have not updated this blog for a very long time. Don't worry, I won't waste your time by apologizing, and I will say I have been busy as of late. I am helping out in the church kindergarten (not garden) part time, taking photos during the weekend (and processing + uploading them) and settling other admin stuff.

This was some random thought I had since young, and I'd like to share it here. It has been ringing in my head recently.

A Thought on Music

(about lower primary school I think)

Last time when I was young, I didn't know much about music. Jazz, pop, rock and classical were perhaps the only genres I could think of and I wondered why Singapore needed so many radio stations.

Since there are so many people making music, there is only a finite number of notes you can put in one piece. In the future, there's a good chance everybody would have made music that used most of the ways you can put the notes together to make a catchy tune.

Thing is, I also theorized that music writers cannot use music that sounds similar to others. So I posed a big question to myself:

What happens if there is no more music to write?

I immediately began thinking of Michael Jackson (one of the few artistes I knew of due to my exposure to my aunt's LDs), and thought of a song I knew: 'Mary had a Little Lamb'.

Since there might be no new music in the future, why not sing the old ones in a different way? People might find an old song 'new'.

So ta-da! I imagined Michael Jackson singing 'Mary had a Little Lamb' with his screeching voice without any instruments! Just his voice...and I thought they might just do that in the future.

Picture from allposters.com

In Retrospect

Little did I know that musicians have been doing cover versions of other hits. My dad listened to James Taylor's 'You've Got a Friend', and that was actually first performed by Carol King. Before hearing of Carol King, I always thought James Taylor was the original writer of the hit.

That also brought me to realising something: When we listen to music since young, we take it as the original version. When we hear the original, it sounds 'funny' to us and we might have the impulse to reject it as the copy!

I guess it is good to know the history behind music we all listen and hum to. Sometimes, the story behind the track is as fascinating as the lyrics themselves. The rights for ABBA's "Chiquitita" is owned by UNICEF.

www.songfacts.com is a good place to start, and Destiny's Child has the Bee Gees to thank for 'Emotion'.

Musically Untalented
Joshua

An Entry for Cartoon Villians

2007-06-14T20:56:00.000+08:00

Hello There!

I am quite aware that dust has been forming up on this blog o' mine. Weeks are flying by very fast and I find myself on the verge of another weekend. Big news, my Bro's back from Beijing but will be going off soon. It's great that he is back and I am sure he will have a good time here with the family :)

Cartoon Villians

Anyway, I have been carrying the same thought with me sometimes. It's got to do with the infamous villians we know of the 80s! Yep those guys that show up at the wrong time and mess up the heroes's picnics and stuff. Here are 2 photos to refresh those memories:

A really nice drawing of Cobra Commander by David Michael Beck.

'When the Evil Shredder Attacks...'

Well, people usually choose to support the hero as he wins at the end of the episode. Following the crowd isn't exactly my thing sometimes, and I differ here. I grew up looking forward to seeing the bad guys! I drew Cobra tanks and liked Shredder's iconic cartoon form.

WHY? Don't worry, I am not a paranoid and I had a healthy childhood.

My 2 Cents

I pictured the middle advertisements as the credits, while the credits signalled the middle of the episode.

From watching my fair share of cartoons, they follow a general pattern. Only if the bad guy had a better plan, it will be 2 parts or more.

Aim of Good Guys:

Keep General Public/City/Country safe by beating their threat - The Bad Guys at expense of Bad Guys's well-being.

Aim of Bad Guys:

Keep their empire/army safe by beating their threat - the Good Guys, at expense of General Public/City/Country.

Part A

Starting Sequence

1. Aim of Good Guys achieved and/or Good Guys have some time together.
2. Bad Guys come up with nefarious plan (against Good Guys, scientists, General Public etc.)
3. Bad Guys initiate the plan and are at the brink of victory.

Part B

4. Aim of Bad Guys achieved as Good Guys are outdone.
5. Good Guys devise a plan to get back at them.
6. Good Guys win and Bad Guys go back to form the next plan.

Credits.

Now, if you shift A to B or B to A...an episode will be like:

Part A

Starting Sequence

1. Aim of Bad Guys achieved as Good Guys are outdone.
2. Good Guys devise a plan to get back at them.
3. Good Guys win and Bad Guys go back to form the next plan.

Part B

4. Aim of Good Guys achieved and/or Good Guys have some time together.
5. Bad Guys come up with nefarious plan (against Good Guys, scientists, General Public etc.)
6. Bad Guys initiate the plan and are at the brink of victory.

Credits

--------

Haha don't you think the Bad Guys look like the heroes? It takes some imagination to picture it...and I theorized the Bad Guys appear bad because they ended up on the wrong side of the advertisements and they were pictured as evil by cartoonists who had to appeal to the public's taste.

Furthermore, the Bad Guys had a spirit that Good Guys lacked - perseverence. They had many things going against them:

- Good Guys must have the looks, smarts, good voicing, skills and moral appeal. Bad Guys can't have that, maybe they can look cool instead though...

- Good Guys had to succeed when the credits are up, and that meant Bad Guys had to lose or even die. That would certainly not fit well in a result-orientated society.

- Bad Guy toys tend to fare worse in sales or 'fights' with Good Guy toys. (who wants to be seen holding onto a Shredder action figure?)

- Their kids won't want to follow their job (If Cobra Commander had a kid, the kid would rather be a successful lawyer than a failing army commander).

- Kids around the world don't want to play as a 'Shredder' or 'Megatron', because they knew they had to lose too. Who likes winning?

- No one praises Bad Guys when they succeed. Doing so would seem immoral.

Regardless of these factors, they continue to scheme against the Good Guys in an undying hope of succeeding. They throw themselves against the prevailing attitude that Good Guys have to win.

Conclusion

Heh I have to admit here I am not condoning evil acts or condemning good. The point is these cartoons are fun, and it's just me having some fun thinking too much about them.

We have to be careful not to judge people based on the prevalent view based on that person. They only appear to be who they are based on what we know about them. Rarely do we look from the other person's point of view, and appreciate where he/she is coming from. That is one important facet that is repeatedly ignored nowadays.

Try it, leave the judgement to God and put yourself in another's shoes. The world might look drastically different.

Time's getting late...I better turn in soon. Thanks for reading up to here if you do, I really appreciate your reading.

Hope I didn't bore you too much with my musings, and I wish you all the best in the future ahead.

Be Happy
Joshua

Tardy Blog Bug

2007-06-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

Hello People!

Yes my tardy blog bug has bitten again in the midst of my 'free-ness'. I have no school to attend, no work to sweat for, and yet I barely find myself anytime to cast a breath freely in the comfort of my home.

Preparation for college, visa applications, attending the Dale Carnegie Course (I recommend it for anyone), meeting up pals, going to Church, eating out regularly with dad, attending an open forum on intelligent design, downloading a couple of game demos for fun, succumbing to terrible diahoera for a few days, and a couple of minor stints in volunteering for my church's kindergarden are some of the highlights of what I have done so far.

Also, it goes without saying that much has happened to my fellow peers. The closure of UNSW Asia, escapades in foreign lands (be it for work/school/fun), exams ending (with results), concerts, lastest happenings back in my unit have recently shaped the lives of those I am honored to have known.

And this picture? I'm a nerd and that's what I actually wore in ICA! Well I was taking photos on that day to apply for a biometric passport. It was my dad's idea to do so and I didn't feel awkward walking around like that either.

Right here, I profess that you are definitely better than me at something. That gives me (or anyone) no reason to have the lordly right to think I'm superior to you. Don't you think there's some truth in that? It's one of the many things that the Dale Carnegie Course teaches, and most of them are simple and yet escape the vision of many. I haven't finished the course yet and I can't tell you all about it yet. But what I know...it is a course that draws upon the participant's willingness to stretch his/her comfort zone, and not the adroitness of the instructors themselves.

I have been thinking...what is the number 1 priority in your life? Can such a priority take precedence over all areas of your life? Is its status granted by quantitive or qualitative means? It is a question that popped out of my head when I began reading Ravi Zacharias's 'Jesus Among Gods', a book about the validity of the absolute claims of Jesus.

In the beginning chapter, he examines the significance of Jesus's beginnings and compares it to the other figures of major religions. This chapter did strike the 'no.1 question' in me when Zacharias touched upon Jesus's humble background and the thoroughness of His exclusivity of truth. Do we place wealth, status or friends ahead of an eternal perspective demonstrated by Jesus? It has serious implications if we do not consider it thoughfully.

I agree that it just represents a point of view, and I am not out here to convince anyone about Jesus. I have just started a very brief scratch on the realm of apologetics. I'm still young and yet to be exposed to a great many things. I thank God for bringing me to where I am now and I am indeed excited to know more about Him (and not simply swallow without digestion).

Well, I have to hit the sack soon and I do hope I didn't bore you to death! I wish you all a good day as I retreat back into my abode. More updates to come as my life goes on.

Take care,
Joshua

Soul Test

2007-05-08T02:38:00.001+08:00

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.
Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.
No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.

You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.
Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.
A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.
You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I'm Back!!! (for quite awhile already)

2007-04-30T02:48:00.000+08:00

Hello there!

I have been back for about 2 weeks from Taiwan and say, I have not updated this blog immediately. Bad blogger. Anyway, I have been quite involved in many activities but that doesn't excuse me from not updating it here.

Well, I have ORD (or 'graduated') from the great welfare organisation called 'SAF', and you can call me a civilian and NSman! Yeah it is good but my ORD date was quite inconveient. It was right after my Taiwan trip, and it was smack in the middle of the unit's block off. That meant a few things, such as work to clear-up, understudy to teach (in 2 days), and having to return stores at different times (as each place didn't open at the same time). Currently, I still have minor issues to settle, and my real and authentic ORD awaits.

Other than that, life's been great (as it always is with God)! Now I won't have to fret over the army anymore and I can start to plan stuff to do before I travel overseas for study. There are certainly many things to do and I'll prioritise and make sure I don't rot away too much :)

If you'd like to know how my travels in Taiwan went, I strongly suggest visiting my facebook album (link at the right). The album contains all the photos I took, and they are accompanied by a brief description. Aye tales to tell, but the internet isn't the best medium. The sensitivities of certain organisations and the keyboard's inability to enliven expressions is a great obstacle.

Recently I went through quite an 'adventure' in Singapore. Yeap, adventures are possible down here! And I will be sharing it with you guys down here. Warning: It is very long.

"Who Moved My Stop?"

For those who have read 'Who Moved My Cheese' (WMMC) would instantly know that I am not original with titles. When I was young, I made myself read this book. Supposedly it was 'written for all ages' and I thought it would be great to read a book that most kids haven't heard of. After just reading it again, the lessons were refreshed in my mind and I began to reflect on it. I was rather amazed that my 'adventure' shared considerable similarities with the story.

Without further ado, here is the 'adventure'!

- At the Beginning

Date: 28th April 2007 AD
Time: 2230hrs
Start Point: Nat Service Resort Country Club (NSRCC)
Equipment: Skate scooter, camera bag with accessories, backpack with some stuff in it.

I at NSRCC for Daryl's 21st Birthday party, and as it was getting late at night I knew I had be quick in getting a way back home. Prior to the party, I was confident that I had a concrete plan to return home. Also, I was no stranger to this area. My parents have driven through the area quite a few times before and even my unit did a route march here. In addition, finding public transport home has not proven to be a problem for me so far.

Plan was simple: Take my scooter, head out, turn left, travel a bit, find a bus stop (My Old Cheese), flag a bus, and viola I am on the way home!

Hemming myself in: My friend Dael told me that he was going back with his friends in a car. They could fit 1 more guy in and Dael kindly offered me the place. Somehow I allowed myself to say 'no thank you' and trust in my plan of getting back home. Heh, I was even looking forward to the adventure of finding the bus stop!

- The Journey Begins

So the tale goes on, I told Daryl that I needed to leave and we exchanged our farewells, and I scootered out of NSRCC. I came out of the club and proceeded to look for 'My Old Cheese'.

The intial stages were paved and I took little effort riding over them with my scooter. As I turned into Changi Coast Road, pavement gave way to grass, buttress roots, and mud. Naturally I had to dismount and walk on. My scooter couldn't fold as the hinge was rusty, and I held it like a rifle.

After awhile, I began to amuse myself, acting as if I was some sergeant in a section bringing my 'men' forward. I was carrying my 'scooter-rifle' in the midst of going through vegetation to the next objective. I could sense it was close (as Bus 35 went by), and I was about to prove to myself that I am good with public transport. Haw haw I was so wrong.

- Oh Baby...

It was about 2300hrs when I reached to the end of Changi Coast Rd, and I found myself at a junction. This junction simply led to 2 big roads, which would normally lead to highways. There are no bus stops on highways right? Soon, my soldiering got replaced by...

'YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!', I muttered to myself. 'Why did you have to refuse the ride???', my mind began exclaiming, 'Dael could be back home and ready to sleep by now...but nooo, you had to choose the hard way smart guy.'. My 'Old Cheese' was not where it was supposed to be and I was desperate to find any bus stop (or New Cheese)!

I knew just worrying my guts out wouldn't help, and I began to 'sniff' around the area. The left road immediately led to a highway. Hence, I had to take the road on the right. I scurried across the right, got over the fender and walked ahead in the grass.

The 'valiant soldier' image of myself quickly morphed to the 'lost grasscutter' with his 'grasscutter scooter'. That was soon replaced by 'the very lost youth'. I laughed at myself, imagining how stupid I must have looked like to the cars driving by. What would some chap with 2 bags and a kick scooter be doing at the side of such a remote road in the middle of the night? Either he is very adventureous or very very very badly lost. I was very very very badly lost.

I kept calling myself 'stupid' or 'idiot' as I continued on with no 'New Cheese' in sight. The walk was rather long as I trudged by the side of a big road. I went past 2 Tanah Merah Country Club gates along the way. I didn't know where I would be headed to and I just hoped I won't run into a highway. Along the way, I prayed to God. I knew He had a way instore for me and I will find it out! I will find my 'Cheese' but there was a big question mark of 'when?'. I earnestly hoped to reach back by midnight. Naive?

Soon, I was about to find some 'New Cheese'...

- Scent of 'New Cheese'

The highway-looking road soon became a main road, and main roads do have buses!!! As soon as I touched pavement, I mounted my ol' trusty scooter and went down looking for the nearest 'New Cheese'. 'Lo and Behold! A bus stop!', I exclaimed to myself, as I saw 'New Cheese' in the distance. Well, the only bus was No. 35 and I barely knew where it would go to. Also, there was no bus directory to refer to.

This wasn't exactly the 'New Cheese' I was looking for and I knew there was something better! Could it be a bus stop with a bus I know of, or even a MRT station perhaps? I took the bold step of heading into an industrial area looking for my 'New Cheese'. I reasoned to myself, 'Workers come here everyday and there must be some transport around!'. How wrong.

Well, there were no bus stops to speak of and I was a clueless youth on a scooter in the middle of an industrial area. As I was scooter-ing on, I told God, 'I learned my lesson of pride. My pride made me refuse the ride and here I am going through quite an "adventure". But...I am enjoying it! It will be a lesson that will live with me. Thank you Lord.'

- New Cheese Found!!!

When I reached a traffic light, I made the decision to turn left and I found people! People were walking along the pavement and that meant there should be public transport nearby...and soon I found my 'New Cheese': Expo MRT Station.

As I neared the station, I heard the bitching betty repeatedly state that the last train was coming in less than 2 minutes' time! I pushed myself hard and fast into the station, scan my card, dash up the escalator and line myself up with the huge queue. Phew that took quite a bit out of my lungs I say. The train came and I boarded it. I took it and I headed towards City Hall.

Very fortunately, I was in time to catch the last train from City Hall Interchange. I changed trains and I promptly made my way back home. Remember that earnest and naive hope I had? I reached home at 0005hrs! God, you have good timing and you really took good care of me even when I am so undeserving. I have ignored your voice, sinned against you and even used your name in vain. You partnered me through this adventure and I am very thankful for your presence!

Oh yeah, here's a map of my journey:

- Epilogue

Lesson of the Day? Don't follow Josh's public transport recommendations haha. Actually, I learned that I can allow my pride to block myself from choosing help from others, when it is certainly wise to do so. I have to jiggle my brains a bit and tell myself that I will need help at times. Also, some country clubs have no public transport access!

If you have read every single letter until here I sincerely salute you, seriously. Hope you enjoyed this pretty long yarn of an 'adventure' but I admit it's not much compared compared to what others have gone through.

Well, I gotta hit the sack soon and I have to take my leave. Thank you once again for visiting and have a good day!

God Bless,
Joshua

50th Post

2007-03-13T14:19:00.000+08:00

Hello Boys and Girls!

This blog's just reached the half-century mark in about 2 years haha. I am slow.

Some of you guys will know that I am flying off later tonight to Taiwan for a month. Darn I feel both happy and 'sian' about it. Happy as I am 1 month away from civilian-hood, but a bit sian as the last month is gonna be super-concentrated with green. Not a great way to end an army career haha. God has good plans and I trust Him.

Well, so that would most probably mean that I will not be updating this blog for a month. Sure that's a long time but I will certainly have experiences to share about. However, army rules apply and I'm afraid I won't be able to share specific info.

Things are gonna change on a large scale for me, and I will be praying about the things to do when I qualify for civilian-hood. Don't want to waste my time away with those neurons still ready to be myelinated. Didn't get what that meant? Go to this this article, it's an interesting article I found in the Mensa announcements. Does point towards the old adage: Pratice Makes Perfect.

From now 'till then, I look forward to coming back to Singapore as a civilian! But I have business at hand and they need to be done. Take care as I venture overseas for the defence of the nation!

See you soon
Joshua

Lightheaded

2007-03-05T01:02:00.000+08:00

Hello Everybody :)

I am 'officially' on off until I fly off on 14 Mar. The O-word is there because even though I am given permission to disappear for the time being, I will be heading back to camp to clear some stuff. I feel rather lightheaded today, I'm naturally guessing there's something wrong with the blood pressure in my head. Perhaps sleeping more and drinking more sugary coke might help heh :)

Whenever it comes to weekends (for my army life), I kind of feel like I am in a limbo, floating around in time and not knowing who exactly I am. I feel lost when it comes to telling others about myself. Sounds confusing? I'll explain below...

Since my secondary days, I always wanted to be a good listener. Someone who you could share your worries and help out. I focused on mainly listening intently to others and perhaps give a well-thought line or two later on. I theorised that the best way of making good use of someone else's time was listening to him/her, digest what was said, think of what good I can say (and keeping it concise). Who would want to listen to a chatterbox?

Well, from practical experience I was just being a 'thermometer'. I only knew how to take stock of the surroundings and that was about it with regard to my involvement with others. On hindsight, I deceived myself thinking that I was doing my best for others by just recording my surroundings and being in touch with a spectrum of different people.

Although my NS life is not tough by physical standards, it has its own challenges and I would admit right here that it is not easy. With a new batch of clerks, the old feeling of 'buddy buddy' (or openness) has gone. Cliques have formed and there is distrust. A couple are Christians but (not to be self-righteous myself) they are not witnessing well. Other than being friendly with both sides, discharging my duties, obeying superiors, I haven't done much to the branch. You can say I didn't witness well in this respect.

People say that when you are loving, you really go out there and do something for others. God is about love and He commanded us to love others. Right now I somehow cannot think of what I have done for others. Either I don't painstakingly record everything I did, or maybe I just didn't do anything much at all. This is possibly a huge source of my feeling of 'lost-ness'.

After some introspection, I want to be a 'thermostat'! Not only be sensitive to the conditions, but able influence others for God. None of that power and position rubbish, but to be someone who connects out to others, is actively aware of what is going on in their lives, and does something for them. People would reject me outright for what I've just typed here.

I have 1.5 months of military service left and you can say I initially felt down that I won't be able to be involved with the guys in the branch. Too late to witness to them? God has good timing and it is my wish to use my remaining time well for God. A tip to some: whenever you feel uptight/worried, pray to God.

Maybe I would need to open myself up to others, let others have a clearer picture of who I really am. Not to the point that I carelessly give away PIN numbers! Main aim is not about me, but to build bridges of strong foundation which are open channels for God's Work.

Chief of Army once said, we need to breathe out more in order to breathe in. He was talking about hhow to have a good NS experience: workout for your time in the army and you would enjoy the fruits of your labour. In context, how can I know others better (breathe in) when I don't open myself up (breathe out)?

Right now, it is my prayer God, you are sovereign in my life. The past 2 years have contributed to my maturity and even as my army term is ending, I would like to make it a fruitful 1.5 months. To witness before my army time ends and to mature further when I go overseas for a month. Perhaps seriously improve on my involvement with others.

Hope I didn't bore any of you guys to comatose haha. This was an episode of introspection and thanks for reading :) Maybe I might come up with something on a brighter note next time ;-) Well I've gotta go now...

From now 'til then, I wish you all the best for the days ahead!
Joshua

Getting Closer...

2007-02-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

Hello there Surfer!

It has been sometime since I last update and like every blogger, I apologise for not updating :P You may have noticed that I added a photo section for your viewing pleasure. My photo skills are non-existant and I would have to work them up. Go take a look see if you would like to.

I think my blog is on a register in MINDEF and they're tracking my entries like any caring army would heh. Kinda scary to type about army stuff here as there's a chance of innocently releasing classified information. We may have the freedom to type away, but we have to bare the consequences of our own actions. Just like taking drugs lol.

Just got through a really negative period part of my army career. As I am getting closer to my ORD, I would naturally expect to get less stuff to do. Unfortunately, lots of stuff happened within those few days and man did my mood hit the rocks! Espacially when I am rushing with work, and some peeps in office are laughing and having a good time. Feels frustrating and I was tempted to wring their necks for being ignorant of my stress.

Couldn't stop myself thinking negative thoughts. My flesh reasoned that I am going to leave and why am I still getting piled up with so much stuff? Don't they recognise how long I have already served and at least work to reduce my load? My mind even raised a suggestion why am I being worked so hard regardless of my education? People, any human mind is capable of such thinking. Avoid it.

I kinda did my best not to entertain those thoughts and sometimes I did reflect my negativity and gripes to my peers. I did my work (or stuff my mind termed as 'extra onerous work'). Guess I am a soldier now and I have to do my duty. Not that I am doing it for some lofty ideal like protecting the nation, but to discharge the duty entrusted upon me by my superiors. We share the workload together as a unit.

Above: Ken Watanabe as General Kuribayashi in 'Letters from Iwo Jima'.

Just watched Letters from Iwo Jima with my dad today. As an army personnel, I did reflect on what the Japanese went through and asked myself what is my attitude to my own army? In the movie, there were many types of soldiers. Some obeyed their superiors without question, different soldiers were loyal to different leaders (who also had differences between each other), a few were too eager to surrender and there are the ones who question the questionable.

The comment from the letter from Sam in the movie struck a chord in my heart. Sam's mom wrote '...do what is right, because it is right.'. Perhaps I find that comment close to my work ethic. Not to be proud of myself, but it is just what drives me in the army. Am I another one of those goody two shoes? Haha I'll leave that to you.

In war, there are no winners. Don't unquestionably take in any of those stereotypical depictions of heroic soldiers and military grandeur. When it comes to war, the worst of humanity is out and everybody suffers in a way or another.

Well, hope you are not snoozin' by now haha. And again I've gotta go back now and hit the sack. I would like to wish you all a Happy Chinese New Year and do your parents proud :P.

Seeya
Joshua

Piggy Test

2007-02-17T03:01:00.000+08:00

Just another 'bo liao' test I did...have to say it is really hard to draw pigs with paintbrush and there are some peeps who can draw really well. haha go try it one day :P

A Post!

2007-02-17T01:53:00.000+08:00

Hi Guys

Been quite some time sice I lasted blogged...I won't blame it on anything, as that's how how life turned out heh. Blaming doesn't produce much if it is just restricted to bitching. God gave us a tough life to exercise reason. Bascially, I have a busy army life even right until I finished. (someone said it 'sucked' to be me lol)

Truth be told, lots of things have happened to me for the past few weeks. Outfield just finished, ended a really busy day, bro's flying off soon, a good friend has flown off to study, one gonna start studying real soon, Chruch stuff, same old busy infantry, study plans not finalised yet and as of late, considering a lot about my future.

If you'd like to know, I am currently aiming for medicine and not turn out as a big bucks generating machine...but to really respond to the needs of others personally and within my abilities/capacities. Doctors Without Borders? So far 3 rejections out of a possible 6. Called for interviews (not rejected outright w/o interview), and I am learning interviews the hard way :P

Call me an idealist, but I would like to make more than a difference in the world. Be careful, it's not about status or doing lots of great stuff, but to reflect God's Love in the lives of others. Not that I am on some missionary trip to get more people singing hyms in Chruches, but to love others as God as loved us underserving sinners first. He loved us to the extent of cancelling our transgressions with His blood, giving us wise direction in His Word, gifting a counsellor to aid us, granting us the ability to lead fruitful lives and awaiting for our return back to Him. I am not the object of my life, God is, and there are needs out there than rank higher than my own. Definately it will be a serious and life-long conviction to answer them.

I admit, I have my shortcomings and there is space for improvement in some of my relationships. It is pretty easy to be morph a good intention for others into something that satisfies the self. I'd easily expect any cynic to bash my idealism, it maybe too saccharine. Well, I would respect their opinion but in the end, it's the life I choose to lead, it is my responsibility and a collaboration with God.

After a long talk (and walk) with a good friend, I find myself still at the crossroads of the many possible paths of my future. Even though I have decided on taking up medicine, but there are just sooooo many ways I could live my life. Get married? What is my focus in life? What skills to take up? Don't forget, do I still have God's Purpose in my sights?

Important to keep praying to God to guide me along my path of life, and to assume my own responsibility in the process of living out my life in God's Purposes. It wouldn't take a psychic to predict that my life is gonna change a lot in the next few years! Ultimately, I recoginise God's sovreignty in my life, and His Will be done.

Thanks for reading until this part and getting to know a bit more about me :) I guess you would have noticed that I do not type about specific events that occur in my life frequently. Maybe it is me to leave out such details, and not reveal too much about myself haha.

Have a pleasant new year, and I've gotta go now. My typing stops here (so Chinese composition!), and I'd like to wish you all fellow surfers a Happy Lunar New Year. Don't take drugs!

All the best,
Joshua

Eeee Gad! I'm half Gay!!!

2007-01-28T00:26:00.000+08:00

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.

Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.

You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.

You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Longest Sat I Had

2007-01-15T00:38:00.000+08:00

Hi Guys!

There's rarely a time I can sit down peacefully and type out my next entry! The pace is fast, but that doesn't mean I am enjoying the life to the fullest. I am still in the Army and I just went through a really really really really long Saturday. Details below:

Friday Duty

This is actually a really long story, sit tight if you wanna read through :)

Prologue

My whole unit was involved in training out of camp, and we needed to get the 'stay-back force' (or those who didn't go due to injuries and stuff), and I was appointed Guard Commander as I was the only sergeant around who could fill that role. Felt rather sour to do that duty, as it will eat into my Saturday weekend morning. But duty is duty, and I had a job to do.

The guys who did duty were a good bunch, believe me. Even though others expect them to be totally switched off as they are usually seen as slackers, they were good people and I enjoyed their company. Through the night, I stayed up as I wanted to mix with the guys on duty. I played hangman, chatted for long times, got to learn some slang, and even ate roti prata brought in by a relative of a duty personnel. Great stuff.

The Longest Morning

I was looking forward to Saturday morning to hand over my duty and head back home. Heh that morning was a killer! The NSmen were returning for training and the smart guys in the higher HQ didn't give the guardroom the list of the NSmen's names. So...me and my guys had to ask all the NSmen to record their details by hand. Queues of cars and people flooded the guardroom at the peak period. Really nuts. But I knew I had something to look forward to...handing over my duty and going back home!

However, the replacements didn't have enough people and my guys had to wait until the replacements could take over. Most of the replacements were late. People can get really mad when they are made to wait very long for others. As only a few of my guys were on duty, I allowed the off-duty guys to go back and return their guns and prepare to book out. Care for Soldiers man.

DOS Problems

Just after I let them go back, the DOS (Div Orderly Segeant, so-called my boss for guard duty) wanted the guys not to fall out. I thought he meant that he didn't want the guys who went back to book out. Hence, I told the companies not to allow the guys to book out.

But the DOS really wanted no one to leave the guardroom itself and when he **finally** spotted that the rest had went back, he demanded them to return in guard duty fatigues, draw arms and fall in. Gave me an admonition and stuck to his guns...he wanted the guys back in uniform and rifle. No two ways about it.

Reaction from the Ground

The guys already changed into their civilian clothes and naturally fumed at the DOS's order. I went to the different companies of the guys and talked to them. I prayed...I know He is in control of this situation, and I highlighted my need for strength and wisdom to go through this trial with a level head, to see the purpose and lesson behind it.

Wow, army did give me a good opportunity to practise my 'people skills', getting the guys back as a team in such a circumstance. I took it and with another helpful sergeant, we did our best to get the guys together, not just fall-in to follow a (ridiculous) order, but to show our solidarity, get that DOS off our backs and book out.

I am grateful to my guys, who came together and obeyed the order. Of course, no love lost and certainly none of them would love the DOS anyway haha. We did as the DOS stated and once the DOS saw us, he gave us a perfunctory glance and told us we could go off. It was 1040 by the time I booked out.

Regardless of what you may think of the DOS, I won't blame him for what he did to us. I let the guys go back without asking the DOS if we could do so...that was my fault and that wasn't totally sticking to protocol. I have to say that the DOS did not allow me to explain my decision, and his order to ask everyone to change back and come down can be said to be over the top. It did not achieve the aim of really telling us what we did wrong, but it needlessly infuriated many hearts. He didn't spend any effort in explaining his order.

At least that was over!

And the Longest Afternoon...

My unit had to call back everyone on the afternoon as something important was missing. It was about 1pm when I received the call and I had to return by 330pm. I had just reached back home after lunch and yet to take a moment to rest after the really tiring duty. Man, I rested as much as I could, and gingerly made my way back.

Now, it is true that the brightest light shines in the darkest hour. My family shone in that darkness. I would like to say that I am very fortunate to have such a supportive family, who were willing to bring me back to camp for the call back, hanged around Causeway Point to pick me up after I finished. Even though I was totally low on power, I thanked God in my heart for my family and acknowledeged that I would not be where I am without the people around me. My family really gave me great support, and I am proud of them.

Long story short, we were allowed to leave camp around 5pm to go home. They didn't find the thing, but we were given permission to book out as they have checked everybody and didn't want to waste everybody's time being confined in camp. we were still liable to call-up but we were free to go anyway.

So I was picked up, showered, saw the bed, bed saw me, I fell on bed, I fell asleep. Woke up for Sunday School the next day! Man I really slept like a rock on that Sat!

Heh...I am happy to have pulled through that day! (and I am even happier if you read through it all!) That's history and don't worry, I hold no grudges with the DOS. Most importantly, I am happy to appreciate how God blessed me. Gave me a chance to test my own people skills in a tough situation, to see my personality (how I reacted to the situation), to appreciate the solidarity of my fellow duty personnel, and the enjoy the supportiveness of my family...God is great.

Darn, time's running short and I've gotta go now. Keep yourselves drug free and enjoy yourselves ok? Haha see you all soon!

Mature Well
Joshua

An EQ Test...

2007-01-14T17:03:00.000+08:00

Your EQ is 140

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!

51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.

71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.

91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.

111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.

150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

'ello Before I go Duty (Again)

2007-01-02T00:29:00.000+08:00

Hello there!

Welcome to foongonline.blogspot.com once again! It's the New Year and we all have a future to look forward to. For those who make resolutions, remember to ask yourself the motive behind it. Is it for your own ego or is it for others, or for God?

- An Update

Been out with the guys, Jiaqi, Weiting, Qap and Tris today. Went to Serence Centre's Comics Mart for some warhammer stuff, then headed to Sunshine Plaza for a meal together (where coke costs $1.30!), and had a comfy discussion in the Coffee Club in Hotel Rendevous.

Received a great Christmas gift from Jiaqi, and I admit it did catch me off guard! Well, it's a Forces of Valor M3A2 Bradley CFV (Calvary Fighting Vehicle) with markings from Operation Iraqi Freedom. It is named after General Omar Bradley, a decorated US hero from WWII.

Here's a pic I have got for y'all

Armed with a M242 Bushmaster 25mm chain gun, a co-axial M240 7.62mm machinegun and twin tube TOW launcher, the M3A2 is a formidable package. The Bradley was designed to operate beside the M1 Abrams MBT (Main Battle Tank). Also, the M3A2 differs from the M2A2, as it carries a 2 man scout team while the latter carries a 6 man infantry section.

Although it has proven to be effective in the Gulf War (destroying more armoured vehicles than the M1 Abrams), the Bradleys did not fare as well in Operation Iraqi Freedom. This is largely due to mobility kills (or getting disabled) from RPGs (Rocket Propelled Grenades) and IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices) used by insurgents. Current US Army doctrine would be to allow the crew to escape at the expense of the vehicle.

My camera skills aren't up to scratch yet but this will have to do for now. I am thinking of painting it a little bit more, the viewports are not painted, and the turret's colour is a little different from the body. But hey, it's great anyway man. It might jut get me started all over military models yet again.

- Duty Blues

Sigh, tomorrow it's duty for me again, on a public holiday to boot. Well, my friends have remarked that I have been getting quite crap dates for duty. Sometimes I feel that I am planned for such dates as I am too nice a guy. It's not my style to claim leave days thanks to a packed schedule and I might be needed to be around.

To me, I won't let it bother me. No point wallowing in self-pity over it. There's stuff to do in camp and I seek ways to occupy myself. God put me in Mandai Hill for a purpose. Heh, this kind of burden is nothing compared to the stress I will sign myself up for if I enter medical school. I take it as an opportunity to learn how to use my time well, and to do my job in spite of how much I abhor it. The Rough Road of Maturity I'd say.

Gotta prepare for interview on 11th Jan for Queen Mary, wait for the rest of the replies (hopefully good), complete my Common Application for USA Colleges, look forward to the next weekend (Church, friends and other great things in life) and perhaps get my warhammer army going again. See lot's of stuff already....

Hope you guys are keeping up well. I know school's gonna start soon and some peeps are flying off overseas in Feb. Life's going to change a lot when 2007 kicks in full swing. Wonder how we all be like in the future, espacially for myself!

- Condolence

On a darker note, my maternal grandmother passed away on 1 Jan in Australia. The news did shake my family, espacially for my mother because she is very close to her. Right now my bro and mom have already flown to Aust. I'll pray for their trip and hope the funeral goes on smoothly. My heart goes out to my grandmother.

Man...it's getting late. Gotta catch the z's soon. Before I go, I'd like to wish you all well while I retire into the night for duty.

God Bless
Joshua the COS on 2nd Jan 07

Merry X'mas!

2006-12-26T00:04:00.000+08:00

'ello!

Well I haven't been posting for a long time. I did up a card for Dael, a good 'ol buddy of mine, and I scanned it....but the comp went down :( But now, the comp decided to work and I bring to you, the card:

Treat this as my e-Card to you all too! Merry Christmas to you all! Happy Birthday to Jesus too...He is the one Christmas is all about. He gave us a great gift none of us can equal. Hope you had a great holiday, and looking forward to put your hair down once again for the New Year! I certainly did enjoy myself this Christmas :) Remember those who are not enjoying themselves...broken families, the terminally ill, the persecuted, the oppressed, and the ones on duty for our sake. Not enough to wish them well...pray for them too. (there's a huge difference between the 2)

I admit it is a bit untidy as I had to rush it due to my duty on the next day. Heh...Dael can get a 'card refund' from me if he doesn't like it lol.

Well, apologies if I am sounding a little too saccharine, but not all things serious have to sound gloomy. Just like to share the joy on this side of the internet.

Army Stuff (yet again...haha)

I have been wondering...what makes me so unhappy about Army, and yet so hopeful of the other areas of my life (like futher studies, Church, family, friends etc). Why the difference? Is my stance towards army gonna be the same towards my future work life?

For my job, I find it difficult to remain happy. Duties on inconvenient dates, field camps, arrows, gripes with upper brass, booking in on Sunday...the list goes on. Guess I would be focusing on the wrong stuff, and keeping myself gloomy. But whenever I think of army, these things come to my mind first.

There are great things about army afterall, 4 months more, good pals to be made, learning through the pain, and maturing in the end. It's not all gloom and 'xian' (slang for ennui).

Army is a life-impacting experience for me, but that does not necessarily equate to a happy or glorius experience. It has taught me well, and perhaps prepared me for the life ahead.

Ultimately, God has seen me through each day, and I thank Him for being there regardless of my sin and imperfection. He has blessed me through the army. No doubt, people can do without the army and mature too, but it's my duty to the land I am born in. In a way, God sent me to the army.

Maybe I can come out with a 'How to be Happy in the SAF' booklet for future enlistees, not as a joke but a useful tool in the SAF. Disenchantment is not uncommon, espacially in its mild forms. Most guys won't like the idea of putting ourselves back 2 years for an organisation we have grown to look poorly on.

For one, there are cases of conscripts of really have a good time in the army. But from where I come from, that has been a restricted few. It is a problem that I believe is wasting away the resource that the SAF needs, the time of its personnel. Guess it could be a malady of conscript armies...but in the end, I will need to study more to provide a better solution/analysis of the SAF hahaha.

Oh wells...gotta scoot off and do my duty again tomorrow while my unit is on block leave. Another one of those duties on a date I'd love not to do it. Call it practice for my possibly hectic and inconvenient future life ahead.

Cheers
Joshua the COS for 26/12/06

Mr. Aldie's Card and Some Thinking Done

2006-12-03T21:28:00.000+08:00

Now it's time for yet another update on this corner of the internet! :)

Did you read about the card I received from a Mr. Aldie quite awhile ago? If not, he's the great guy who asked for my details on the steet...and gave me a Christmas card! I am still touched by his card and after some time in camp, I've finally come out with a card for him from me.

Here are the pics of the card I made:

Above: The outside view. Supposed to look like the clichéd X'mas present (box and ribbons) and it opens by pulling the tab from the slot at the right of the middle of the cross.

Below: This is the interior view. Reason why it looks uneven is because the Santa head is a pop-up and it is being flattened by the scanner. Looks messy eh?

Well, I'll be posting it to him tomorrow. Hope the card is acceptable to him haha...it looks easy but I have to say the process of making it is not easy. Not on the technical side, but to keep it neat (no smudges etc.). I guess I didn't quite keep to the ideal of tidyness :P

Wanna a card like that too? If so, just drop me a message and I will try to conjure one up for you with my rudimentary art skills. It would take time, and I would not be asking for any $$$ heh. Remember, I am in army and I have a nation to protect hahaha, but I'll try my best to do one on time.

Some Thinking

I just watched a documentary on how Einstein formulated E=mc² and how the equation affected lives of people after its legendary birth. After watching it, I wanted to ask myself: what do I want to do in life?

A part of me wanted to achieve, be it great discoveries or pioneer into an area that is rarely explored. Grapple onto new ideas and not to be afraid from trying them out or being daunted by skeptics. I'm not aiming for money, but for status and recognition?

The other side would go: Who is in the centre of my plans?

Undoubtedly, God is the rightful centre of our lives. I am a sinner and if you knew my sins, you would probably curse my name and whack me on the head. No joke. Lived a life to fool others on the outside and fool myself on the inside.

After choosing to ignore Jesus's work on the Cross for about 19 years, I couldn't run away from some facts. I may have studied well or have a comfortable life, but simply achieving/studying for the next step doesn't make sense to me. Essentially, I am still a person marred by unmentionable sins, how can I take pride in the achievements I would make?

God loved and saved me through Christ, and regardless of my disobedience/sin he is still faithful and seeking His lost sheep. Without Him I am a condemned sinner and have a meaningless life that simply ends with death. I have distractions in my life that disrupt my relationship with God...and I need Him to mold my life with His Purposes. Not to be on the moral highground, but to live a changed life for others to know Him. I'll admit, I am not anywhere near that yet.

What has God planned for my life? I am looking towards studying medicine in university and I have always been asking myself questions regarding the choice I made. The sheer challenge in medicine and the potential for medicine to impact on other lives positively are some of the main draws that me excite now. Not a complete answer, but I'll work on it heh. Have to keep an open mind.

Don't wanna bore you with my narcissitic thoughts right here lol.

Well, I've gotta go off now and move on. Nice typing here to you guys and all the better if you read! Have fun and look forward to the holidays. Those with exams, ALL THE BEST! I won't forget about your pains too.

Cheers,
Joshua

This Week's Update

2006-11-17T21:25:00.000+08:00

Hi y'all! Having some free time surfing the net right?

Anyway, this Friday has come near to the end of a long week for me. It started from Friday guard duty, Saturday in camp preparing for outfield, Sunday till Tues outfield, Thurs had to help out in last minute prize presentation and post-outfield celebrations...and Saturday COS (COy Orderly Sergeant) duty!

Sounds like real fun to me lol. Nevermind...being lame.

Well since I have some time to breathe some air from my home, I'd like to share an experience I had with a particular Warrent Officer (guys who really rise up the ranks from private, and have spent a long time in the army. It is a rank in between sergeant and officer)

Well, this warrent officer is 1WO Chew. He was my Duty Officer (DO) for guard duty...and he is a very unique DO. People tend to just see the surface, and see him as a very luo shuo (long-winded) person. He is known to give long debriefings and to really test guard duty personnel on their tasks.

I've gotta say that there's lots of wisdom in what he says. Seriously speaking...it is not easy being a great guard, as there are tons of stuff we need to know. We don't do guard duty so often and have little chance of really being a kilat (excellent) guard. He can quite easily just scold us and give us extra duties!

But...he has the patience and takes the time to slowly go through the procedures and explains the importance behind each and every one of them. Granted, it might seem paranoid to keep such 'anal' standards in peacetime...but who can tell when the time really comes where we are faced with a real threat? 1WO Chew prepares us well for that.

This reminds me of Matt 24:42 in the Bible. Jesus warned his disciples to watch out for his next coming. The end could come anytime and serves as a potent reminder to do His Work before the end actually comes.

The lesson I learnt is: Keep doing the good work and don't waste your time and get caught with your pants down. The time will come, but we just won't know when it does.

Hope you guys may learn something from that...it's my sincere wish. Well, I've gotta go off now and entertain the other parts of my life. Stay well, and have fun out there guys!

Still Serving
Joshua

Something Very Cool

2006-11-04T22:46:00.000+08:00

Heeeeello!

I haven't been blogging regularly as I had guard duty last Sat (I will update you later in another entry). Well, no excuse anyway huh? Heh...like to take this time to share with you something cool that happened to me recently.

It happened back when I was on a despatch job for my office, and I was making my way to Buona Vista MRT from the bus stop beside it. There, I met a disadvantaged person, who just wanted to know my name, religion, address and handphone number. Well, I had no problem with it and I agreed to give him some details. I wrote them down on his piece of paper. After that, we said our farewells (he sniffed my shirt!) and I was off on my way.

Came back from camp yesterday, and I noticed this in my mail:

That is cool man! He sent me this nice little X'mas card...it seriously caught me unaware. Just to tell you, I am very touched by his action, to go through the process of making a card for a complete stranger he met on the road. Even better than what I did for my JC class.

By the way, his name is Aldie bin Mohd Sujak from MINDSville @ Napiri.

I've got to return his favour and perhaps make a card for him too. Not only just to wish him well and that sort of hallmark stuff, but with real heart. Maybe I can visit MINDSville one day and really get to know people like Aldie better. I have a belief of helping the disadvantaged, not because of some 'moral imperative' but because I love to help them, and in is a way they can contribute back to society too.

Thanks for the card Mr. Aldie!

One prayer request

Lord, one of my brothers (a former muslim) is also facing persecution from choosing Christianity. The whole fellowship is behind him and my small group has prayed for him too. Be his tower of refuge and strength, give his courage and wisdom as he holds onto you. Protect him and give him strength to carry on. Ultimately, may he come out of his situation with maturity and courage to boot. I really respect his choice of Jesus, and be with him as you have always Lord.

I am fortunate not to have suffered persuction and hate some have. But we will face them in the future, and it depends on us how we react to them. We can only rell if we are ready when we are faced with such situations.

God, you have thought me today (in Sat Service) that thoughts and prayers are useless without action. May we remind ourselves that we serve you in every compartment of our lives, not seperated like the compartments of the Titanic.

Well, I gotta go off now and do other things in my life that await my attention.

See you guys soon and stay well.
Joshua

Qualified Ahmad

2006-10-19T21:22:00.000+08:00

Weeeelcome to my part of the internet!

Well, just came back from my 3rd driving test (yeah I am that crappy as a driver lol) and YES I finally passed! I won't be jumping around in joy like a mad guy, as it wasn't a great achievement. I passed mainly due to my 'experience'...the tester passed me because I already tested 2 times before haha :)

Kind of think of it, my 'driving career' has thought me that things don't come easy. My little achievements have come with some price, and instant successes don't pop up in my life like MSN sign-in notifications. Exams were tough, my driving took rather long, my uni application still goes on, my army life isn't pretty and my normal life reverberates with some acute pain.

Not that I am a killjoy, but just like to share with you all something: God gave us pain.

People have asked, if God was soooooooo powerful, why doesn't he just kill off Satan and stop evil in its devious tracks? Millions are starving from Sudan to right here in Singapore, and what has God done for them? He could at least gave them some grain, some dollars or some rain for their parched crops.

Although it might sound like an air-tight argument against God, but it is a question that does in the end prove God really does exist. You can reduce my stand here as I come from a comfortable home and do not know the real pain people go through daily. Yes, that does get my goat sometimes, but it drives me to use my time here well and appreciate the things God has blessed me with.

Well, there's a book out there written by a renowned author by the name of Lee Strobel, and it's called The Case for Faith. It's a good read and Lee raised up 8 tough questions to well-qualified individuals who gave their insights in this book. The one above was one of them. A couple of points provided were:

1. God gave us a free will and He respects it. If he killed off evil and made us chose right all the time, we would be robots. We won't be able to learn the real essence of good and will not appreciate the goodness of God.

2. There is eventual good that lies in evil and suffering. It is not to say that we can remain in our ignorance and dismiss all evils as preludes to good. There are valuable lessons that lie in the suffering, people do draw closer to God in times of trials etc...

I seriously reccommend this book to the skeptic, the believer or the agnostic. Actually, anyone. Go on ahead and read it with an open mind. I will not force you to think that Christ is God right away. I can tell you Christ is Our Saviour, but you've gotta run your personal journey to trully convince yourself. Reading this book and others like it is a way to find out about the person who made a huge impact on the religious fabric of this world, and His effects still ripple on.

Or the other way is to...come to my Church! There's a programme going on right now on Saturdays! Just for the person who is keen in learning about Christ. Heh...I'm not joking but here's the details for your persual. If you wanna go, just go on and give me a message or something.

Every Saturday
Venue: Newton Life Church
Time: 1700-1830hrs

Here's the URL: http://newtonlifeyouthministry.blogspot.com/

Darn another long posting of mine. Hey, I've gotta book in back to camp. Home sweet home haha...take care out there and see you guys real soon!

Joshua

Urgh...duty clerk

2006-10-08T18:04:00.000+08:00

Heeeeeeello there!

Hope you are doing fine, but if you ask me, nothing beats me than knowing the Lord! Haha nevermind about that....if you have any problems, feel free to email them to me :) I'm serious, 'cause I'd like to hear about them and try to find a solution for you.

Not so good weekend

Well, I've just come back from a weekend duty I wasn't supposed to do. It's more or less 'signing myself an extra'. Long story, like to hear it?

To start off I'll introduce to you the characters, and here they are:

Friday's Duty Clerk - PTE A
Last Sat's Duty Clerk - CPL B
The other duty clerks

...and of course me

It's on a Friday night, and I was on off and gonna play some warhammer with my pals. Mood is happy and quite excited because I didn't get to meet them for quite a long time.

So as I was about to leave the house, I get a message from PTE A. He asks who is the Duty Clerk for Sat.

Drats, there is no Duty Clerk for Sat! I forgot all about it and how it came about is as follows:

Originally, there was no one doing last Sat's duty (30 Sep). I couldn't find anyone until I ask CPL B, who is actually clearing leave, to switch his Duty on 07 Oct to 30 Sep. He agrees and the switch occurs.

Well, I was quite thankful for his help...and darn my forgetfulness that I actually forgot to schedule one for 07 Oct. Big mistake. My mistake.

After getting the message, I start to ask all the others and I guess you can predict that all of them couldn't do it. Yeap, lots of commitments/MC etc...and unfortunately, no one was willing to do it.

Darn, and after quite a lot of thinking, I decided to do it myself. Even though I had commitments on Sat, there were a few reasons why I decided to do so:

- It's my mistake.
- No one was willing to do it. (I distrust the unwilling)
- I could spend the time and focus on writting my app essay and read :)
- Little/no time left to force someone to do it.

It was a tough decision, and trust me, my mind flew into a lot of negative thoughts. I could sense the simmering hate and 'humiliation' of arrowing myself a duty that I am not supposed to do and no gurantee of getting something in return. I had to cancel a drama act for duty. I prayed to God for wisdom and help comfort me in this situation...and to get to learn from this experience.

Not to praise myself, but I told myself that it's an opportunity to do some good. It allowed me to focus on stuff and achieve something. Maybe meet some new guys since the Duty Officer was a new one. Being in camp also allows me to do Quiet Time...as there's no one in camp and I can do it in peace.

So yeah, I bitterly went back to camp on Sat morning and fought against the negativity to do my duty and get something out of it. Thank God I had supportive parents who fetched me from there and after duty, straight to church :) The duty's over and well, life goes on as normal.

It was a tough decision, and you might say an unneccessary one. You can keep that view, and I'll respect them. But I am happy that the thing's over and perhaps learnt a few things, such as the supportive nature of my parents, and the danger of forgetfulness.

If you read until here, you have my respect haha...well, I've gotta go now and live a normal life before booking in.

Have fun and stay safe!
Joshua

3SG already ha...

2006-09-17T02:51:00.000+08:00

Hello

Been's a long time since I last updated...darn my weekends evaporate before my eyes! Part of being in my unit I guess. 7 more months and I will be outta here hahahaha...and don't tell me if it sounds long lol

Got my final promtion on Friday (the ORD Parade for 1st year commanders too)! Yeah I would be happy...but hey, it was expected. That's how ranks go in the army for NSFs...regular ranking is more complicated. Heh, actually the promotion directive came 2 weeks late :P

That means I am a commander, albeit at the lowest level. Many people have different views on how a good 3SG should act, some say must be forceful, cannot give face, must earn respect etc...makes me wonder how exactly will I be a 3SG? I haven't been to command school that is.

That's another area I'll be asking God for advice. I acknowledge that I need wisdom and courage to guide myself properly in the army. Believe it or not, the Bible has practical ideas regarding leadership and guess I'll be looking them up.

Don't want to screw up my job in the army espacially with the 3SG. Not because I can sign soooo many extras (duties), but it will not be good for my branch and the unit as a whole. They won't pay the extra money for nothing, since there will be more expectations of me thanks to the rank haha.

On the flip side, I have already been on my job for quite some time and people might be used to the way I work. The rank won't matter to greatly since I am still the same, just with one more stripe. Can rank change how a person works in the same position in the army?

Ahhhh I'll leave that alone for now since I need to use THIS weekend wisely.

Well, I have been looking up univerisities and colleges to study overseas. UK deadline within a week...so I gotta choose the schools properly and get the application done neatly. Lotta things to do, and so little time. Darn, sometimes I just feel lazy and spend my weekend time just relaxing and doing nothing to contribute to my present life. Maybe it's my reflex to slack a bit now and then after having been through a week of work.

It's running late, and I've gotta catch some Z's! See you later some time.

God Bless
Joshua

CSI: Jerusalem

2006-08-20T20:06:00.000+08:00

Hi there!

You have been cordially invited to the above event that is happening at my Church :) Oh yeah, I won't force you to believe or anything like that...it is more of exposure and getting to know a real side of Jesus.

So if you wanna go for it, I will give you my personal attention and I will gladly welcome you to the event.

Details are:

2nd September (Saturday)
5.00pm
Newton Life Church (Near Newton MRT)

See ya!
Joshua

One of a Kind...

2006-08-09T02:30:00.000+08:00

Hey there!

Welcome again to this little adobe in the net! Feel free to relax and spend some time here. Otherwise...if you're in a rush go ahead and go to another webbie and so on (and enjoy yourself too).

I have just come back home after being released from camp. Actually I left camp earlier and went to a friend's house for a little while.

But what I'd like to share is an amazing encounter I had with a nice chap today on the way back on the bus back home. His name is Peter, a 40 or year old Chinese man) and he did leave an impression in me. I do wish to share it with you.

So without further ado...(your eyes better be prepared to go wacky :P)

My Way Back

My way back was quite exceptional due to a few factors. Well, here's a list of them:

1. Extremely Quick + Legal Game of Monopoly

I played a game of Monopoly with 3 others which somehow ended in 1 hour (1000pm - 1100pm) because of quite exceptional circumstances...

Francis (one of the players) got the red group, traded with me so that I had a complete dark blue group. I built hotels, while he built from houses then to hotels. As the hotels and houses were up very early in the game, the other two soon became bankrupt.

Usually these games take about 3 hours or so.

2. 1145pm Bus from Friend's House

Caught the last bus (911) that passed by a bus stop near the friend's house. It was at 1145pm I suppose...quite late and had half the mind to take the cab before the midnight surcharge comes into effect. The bus went to Woodlands Regional Interchange.

From there, I planned to take the train directly to Newton (where I live).

3. Chose to take the MRT from Woodlands to Yishun

However, the train that came terminated at Ang Mo Kio (way before Newton) only. Then I remembered from a friend who had to take a Night Rider (a public bus that runs late in the night) back home from Newton...

He took NR1 from Newton to Yishun. If I wasn't a nice guy and stayed with him late in the night until he got his bus, I wouldn't have known this route to get back home. So I planned yet again...

I was to get off at Yishun, look whether the next (and last) train does go to Newton. If it does, I'll take the train back directly. However, the last train also terminates at Ang Mo Kio.

So I went on to Yishun Bus Interchange for NR1.

4. Peter was Late and Missed his bus

I was leisurely listening to the radio until he came to the bus queue, and asked me whether this bus went to Chinatown. I said it was my first time taking the bus, and he should ask the driver.

Fortunately, the contact did not end there! He then stated he actually missed his original bus, and had to visit a friend in Chinatown. Hence, he had to take the bus I was taking, which was not his usual case.

While waiting for the bus to come, we chatted awhile about the frequency of the bus number and an assorted amount of small talk. I nearly thought I was stretching our conversation topics to keep the chat going on...

The bus came and we were the only ones to board the bus at Yishun.

5. I had the guts to sit next to him.

After boarding the bus, I promptly went to a seat and sat there for awhile. Peter chose a seat far from me, and I started to question myself whether I should continue the talk from the bus interchange...I thought of respecting his personal space and dared not to sit next to him to chat.

Thank God that I was reminded of the need to actively seek an auidience with non-believers, to show God's Love for all and possibly bring back more lost sheep.

I was initially hesitant of sitting next to Peter as I didn't know him too well, I didn't have any conversation topics on hand, and my shy side also rose up to hinder any attempts to approach him. Thank God once again I could overcome the negativity and shyness in me, as I was reminded of the Lord's rejoicing over a repenting sinner. and chose to sit next to him the next time when the bus stopped. I was driven to speak to him.

From then on we talked all the way back to my home!

What was amazinng about it

He shared quite a number of interesting experiences he had, gave me a glimpse into his character, and a lesson about approaching others with the Love of Christ.

Peter was someone who was gifted in being able to spot spirits who inhabit this world, and from my knowledge these people are rare. His experiences were very educational, but sharing them here would be rather inapproriate. Not that I don't want to invite bad karma, but it might bring undue attention to anyone of us. Getting to know these experiences is rare as these people don't come by too often.

He was a Taoist, and believed that people should not be forced to believe in certain religions. He does respect Christianity, but he doesn't welcome efforts to force others to believe, regardless of what religion it was. Guess I could learn that hard evangelism won't work to well in multi-cultural Singapore...

Well, the whole thing was a test of my willingness to step out of comfort and to speak to total strangers. Fortunately both of us were willing to talk and that made breaking the ice easy. Perhaps in my future, I will be meeting more strangers in my life and I would utilise my social nature and take steps to know them as people.

Don't be shy :)

And lastly...the bus went by my Church! So on the way I pointed out to him which church I go to. Told him a few things like it was actually there for awhile, but the buildings are new. Felt good about introducing him to my church and for him to know me a little better...and maybe the church too haha.

Man, my eyes are really getting wacky from all of this typing into 3am in the morning! Well, hope you did learn something from my experience, or at least had an emotion that was aroused by this entry.

Anyway, my nation is having her birthday today and as a Singaporean...HAVE A HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!

See ya
Joshua

Failed 2nd Time!!!

2006-07-29T23:43:00.000+08:00

Above: Roughly where I failed.

Garg...

Do you know what the Italy in the World Cup 2002 Quarter Finals and me have to do in common? The 'Golden Goal' effect. Just one mistake that ruins the whole experience. I am not saying that I am overtly bitter and shall remember it for eternity, but it still hurts :( Yeah cheer up man.

For starters, during the driving test there are basically two types of errors one can commit. One, would be the accumulative one whereby they result it accumulated points after making the mistakes. The other is the killing blow/instant YMCA (You May Come Again). Sorry if I sound sarcastic or caustic, as I got hit with the second one. I am still a bit in the dumps. Pray for me.

Although I got a personal low of demerit points of 10, doing the mistake I did at the last part is just as painful as a missed penalty. For those out there still learning to drive, you may want to read this as a 'case study' heh...I'd like to warn you of such eventualities and wish you all the best for your driving.

To cut it short, and to mute any bitching, I was changing lanes but nearly hit the curb. From my perspective: I was changing lane to the left, taxi is behind me on the left lane. Taxi signals to change to further left lane. I turn to change lane....but taxi begins to move back to original lane. Due to my blurness/sudden change of taxi, I turned right to move back to my lane...but was on the way to hit the curb, and the tester immediately turned my steering wheel. Bad omen.

Lesson is, when changing lanes, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE FRONT! Took me about $500 to learn that.

Sigh...it really hurts to fail just due to that mishap. People would say you failed fullstop. Guess that is the attitude of this nation. There are exceptions out there, but through my experiences the general perception is that there is a lot of pressure on passing and achieving, and a severe stigma (either self-inflicted or an effect of outside circumstances) for failures. Economical and effective sieving of talent.

No matter, I will pass the TP. God will decide the day. Perhaps He wants to save the public roads of Singapore from a dangerous driver such as me hehe. Anyway, when I pass I will tell you guys. But from now till then, I will try yet again to pass.

Gotta go off now man, I wish you all the best for your endeavours.

Joshua

2 Weeks Ain't that Bad

2006-07-28T00:55:00.000+08:00

Heeeeeello!

Hey I have updated my blog in 2 weeks! That's a great improvement you notice heh. Nevermind, lame me all over again.

I have been thinking of some plans for this blog'o mine. Wanna know about them? Aaaaaand here they are!

1. Scan some doodles I like to do...maybe decorate this plain blog up with them.
2. Maybe design a logo...but again see if I get any inspiration.
3. Add a column called 'Ask the Foongman'. Ask a qn and I'll try to answer. But please no obsence stuff or spam.
4. Add more links!

I am on leave now and gearing up for the dreaded TP (Traffic Police Driving Test) on Saturday ( That's why I have some time to do this blog....) If you didn't know, I failed once before and it did hurt. But hey, find it pure joy in times of perserverence and I shall profit from my problems. :D So far so good, and onward I drive. Wish me luck if you want to.

Crud it's running late yet again... :( Better catch a few Z's for the next day.

Well, I hope you are having great fun with the game of life :) Catch up with you later haha.

Cheers
Joshua

It's been a long long long time ago...

2006-07-15T11:17:00.000+08:00

Man...

It has been a mighty long time since I ever touched this blog :) Have to say that I am stuck in the army w/o any internet access and my time spent at home can be counted in milliseconds. Doesn't sound good, but it's my life. Yeah.

I have given thought to this blog o' mine, I have decided on updating it weekly. Weeks for me go slow on Mondays and fly by Thursday onwards haha. So at least I can update you guys what is happening in my life in edible little weekly chunks.

Life so far? I won't say 'ok' or 'fine', too drab. I would say rather mixed up. I am still learning driving for almost 1 year (I failed a test). decided on overseas education (booted out by NUS and awaiting a reply from Monash), and finding clerking a drag (pretty inaccurate data-entry). I am also on sunday duty and so again I'm off to army tomorrow. Yee-ha :D

Doesn't sound special, but it is my life :)

Oh yeah, my mates and I have taken a new liking to Monopoly. Yep that game which involves making other people bankrupt over fake money, handheld title deeds, green houses, red hotels, the red chance and yellow comm chest cards.

It has been a very refreshing and fun game to play. For one, I didn't know many of the original rules, such as the double-roll to get out of jail, and nothing actually happens on the first round. In short: a revelation.

Also, it has been very very very fun + addictive to play. We all form alliances over very casual terms and deals. An example would be the '50% off rate for rent for fellow corprate members', also termed as 'corporate rate'. One must practise keen skills of negotiation and evaluation to complete a whole colour, and eventually win the game (probably with loads of $500 haha).

In the end, Monopoly actually shows the true character of people. Cunning, trusting, ruthless or just plain luckless are just a few things I observe in others and myself...the luckless part that is haha :D

Oh well, better not make this entry too long and pop people's eyes out. If it's too long, just give an 'oi!' in the comments and I'll shall see to it.

Thanks for reading. All the best in your life.

Joshua

In the Face of Defeat

2006-04-10T01:03:00.000+08:00

Manchester United: 2, Arsenal FC: 0
Season 05/06, Old Trafford

The incomparable Wayne Rooney.
(from ESPN Soccernet)

If you didn't know by now...I support Arsenal, so this entry obviously won't be about puffing up Man U's victory over Arsenal. And I can gurrantee you it won't be about Man U bashing either :)

Some would expect me to flame up at Man U's victory on the merit that I am an Arsenal fan. However, I feel more inclined to think deeper into this topic of supporting a foreign team. Many people take the team's victories and defeats as their own too, which some might call being a true supporter. That's good, but there's the danger of going overboard.

I congratualte Man Utd on winning the match, which I consider a close one and decided by great goals. All the best catching Chelsea, and Arsenal hasn't lost it all yet. Good thing is no injuries and no more of the 'Pizzagate-level' of acrimonity between the teams. It was a clean game, that much to the players. Next up, Pompey and Champs League still around. Give a good show.

On the bigger picture, why do I choose this team, or why do I choose to choose at all? I am not involved in Arsenal's recent good form or in their emergence of their youth. My salary doesn't depend on them (I don't bet). They are also not the best team in the world now either. Logically, there isn't much sense in my continuation of Arsenal fanship.

However, I still choose to watch games for them on ESPN, and espacially for this season, I ended up watching a defeat. Notable ones in the past are Liverpool's last gasp 2-1 win at Anfield, Man U's win at Highbury with 2-4, and for this season Bolton's bogey moments and Chelsea's victories thanks to Drgoba. Today's match is an addition to the list.

But a defeat shows more of a fan than for a victory. I would sit through the whole match even if it was game over. The players are still on the pitch, they are still wearing the colours, and still continuing Arsenal's history. The team is on the pitch, and my support is what I can provide. I will stick to my decision and not stray to other teams like grass in the wind.

Arsene Wenger is an astute manager with a renowned knack for strategy. Theirry Henry and Co. are bona fide footballers, who live to play the game. That's a rarity in a game where the cost of winning at times erases the virtues of the game.

People will question some of Wenger's decisions (like selling Viera, or having faith in this thin squad), and even mock him. Something in me always tells me Wenger has a card up his sleeve. Football is unpredictable, and with Wenger and the players he has, I won't know the whole picture until his players get on the pitch and show the audience what Arsenal is. Go Arsenal!

Well, there's this certainty that I am going to meet Man U fans on the way who will talk about the recent victory. It is up to them whether they want to celebrate in my face and get my attention (or frankly, get me angry). But in the end, what does it show about a supporter (including me if Arsenal won)? It just means you supported the team that won. You have to be good to convince me that you had a hand in it.

Of course not all fans are the same, and unfortunately for Man U's general image here...the team attracts fair-weather fans. I won't implicate any here, as it isn't my purpose in life to be judgemental. Let them have the joy of the victory for now, but they have to be prepared to taste bitter defeat. But to those true Man U fans, enjoy the moment.

Anyways I am sending a pal of mine to BMT Recourse (a Man U fan also...hordes of them :P). Well, have to wish him all the best even though it is PES C. It maybe not the toughest course to take, and far from the rigours of even normal BMT, but it is a crucial phase in life. The recruit tag returns.

My life goes on and likewise for the rest of the world. Going to Brunei soon for awhile, so for that period I won't be able to update this blog. No worries, since I don't update it so often haha... :D

It's getting late...Enjoy yourselves and give joy to the Lord. Amen.

Joshua

Life So Far

2006-04-07T23:31:00.001+08:00

Heya

I just updated my blog yet again with another big break in between...its 'monthly' nature makes it less attractive to visit but there are reasons behind it. I ain't gonna give this blog up so easily :)

One big thing for me happened today...and that is my great friend Qamarul has just been enlisted :D He is the guy I know since Sec 1 through an absolutely geeky and dumb-ass game called 'The Phantom Menace'. All the best to him and his new-found haircut. ALL THE BEST QAP!!!

Well, thanks to the army I have scant little time spent at home. At the army, I am unable to log in to blogspot.com, thus restricting my blogging to times at home. Now that's where 'my real life' duel with each other for prominence in the period I spend outside Mandai.

I have responsibilities ranging from Church, olde geek pals (and warhammer gatherings), the occasional weekend duty and even meeting up with aquaintances I have made in my short life. In short, I spend good portions of my weekends outside my home.

And...at home things don't get any easier. I am experiencing some issues with the LAN at home, the need to catch up on lost sleep and time for me to do my daily devotions (which is falling backward I admit)

Simply it is not my job to bitch/complain about my lack of private life :) I am happy that I am spending my time with good friends and close buddies. I live my life for others and try my best to be good company, but of course there are times when I can't fulfil that when I am down or moody. But hey, I am homo-sapiens and I value friendships. Awwwwww...

Have to go back in tomorrow for more wonderous duty. Hope to see you all again in one piece and going on strong.

Seeya
Joshua

Man It has been 1 Month...

2006-03-04T22:08:00.000+08:00

Heya

Been 1 month since I updated my blog lol. Blame it on my laziness, predeposition to play games and a stay-in vocation. Not a great combination for free time at home heh...

I always had something in my mind that I wanted to put down here...frustrations, jubilations or an interesting view on life pops into mind. But once my feet reach home, blogging disappears into ignomity in the sea of "to-do stuff".

Today I have spent my entire day with my parents, nothing wrong about that with me actually. Except for one thing...I am beginning to feel less at ease when I go out with them too long. I follow them around when they complete their tasks, I go for meals I see little need in and sit quietly for a duration when guests are involved.

These are minor things no doubt, but I am faced with the challenge of keeping my frustrations at bay when involved in events with little or no value to me. Of course these are the times I am given to spend with my parents...and even learn a thing or two for my future life. But I don't enjoy sitting down and having them do the talking...

Am I getting old to the point that I can't keep myself stuck at home? Maybe. Or is it that I am a bit off today? Maybe too. By nature I am quiet, and I would stay quiet when I am utterly cross. Girlie huh? I'd prefer to brood over the merits of being unhappy, and ideally conclude that there's little point in being so and try my best to socialise.

Sometimes I view myself as a pawn to my parents and even aunt. It happens unconsiously, but they'll do the introduction for me like I were a product fashioned by them. Perhaps that's how being a young guy in a Chinese family is like. Little voice in family gatherings with the generation above.

Pardon me if I sound childish, but these are matters that affect me. It requires honesty and a willingness to seek the cause of it. Maybe I am getting old and I need to serperate soon haha...

But hey, my parents are great. They don't openly declare their love for their children, but they would go to ends to support my siblings and I. They willingly give us rides, take us out for lunch, and even attend events we are involved in.

Quite possibly I am fortunate to have one of the best parents on this planet. I have them to thank for a memorable childhood, a stable family, a grasp of ethics and my close family bonds...

Well, thanks for reading up to this point. :) Gotta spot before this entru becomes too long....

Now I am at the forefront of the next phase of my life. After receiving a cert from ACJC (wayang actually heh), I am venturing onwards to an admission to NUS...see where I go haha. Have to get my blog up and running again. Regularly or not is another tale.

From now 'til then, see you soon :D

Joshua

30th January 2006

2006-01-30T23:13:00.000+08:00

Hi All :)

Yesterday (other than being the 1st day of the Lunar New Year) was my 20th Birthday!!! It may seem that it would have been a blast for me, but it was rather quiet. Hmmm maybe people are more interested in hongbaos lol.

Well, that doesn't matter anyway, as my friends and pals remembered it. And if you'd like to wish me (not that I am all that important), you have my utmost gratitude.

For a fact, I haven't applied to any university yet. People seem to be more interested in my life than even myself! For one, my mom would push me constantly...raising this subject at the dinner table, cutting out newspaper cuttings for some seminars and buying reference books for admissions. Thank God for my mom. :P

My grades aren't too bad and my noggin is still quietly functioning within the confines of my head. However, I keep hearing of family members or children of friends of my aunt who study in high up places. Man these high-flyers seem untouchable and I don't feel at ease hearing about them. You can put it down to jealousy (maybe), but frankly it is not really my place there. I have never been one and it is not my job to throw all my aspirations to be one just for the sake of it.

This really makes me think: Who I am? God gives gifts to those He chooses, and what is my gift? What's so special about me?

Now that puts me in a very philosophical mood. For me it is characterised by moodiness (melancholy even) and a wandering mind. I ask myself questions (like those above) out loud sometimes, and people actually think there might be something wrong with me lol. Just think of one of those raving scientists that keep on asking questions to themselves. I feel like that.

Kind of think of it, the word 'question' had a 'fantasy-ish' feel to it to me. The word 'quest' stands out of it prominently, and I would dream myself as an audacious adventurer endeavoring out to solve the problem, going through thick and thin and risking it all. Ideally in the end, I would conclude it with a resounding note of satisfaction and ready for the next one.

In short, just juxtapose 'What did the author in line 2 mean?' with hobbits in LOTR. Get the picture?

I don't really know where I am headed to (not that I need to know it anyway), and the suspence does kill me. Well, this next step in my life is a crucial one as it decides where I would be in the future. Just like the PSLE or the 'O's, it will be followed by yet another trial.

Onward I shall march, and onward I shall answer my own questions.

Heck, maybe I bored you now have I? I know my typing is not typical of what you would find on a blog of a 20 year old. Young and old at heart haha.

See you around soon and Gong Xi Fai Chai!

Joshua

No more PATS

2006-01-21T14:41:00.000+08:00

Hello everybody :)

I have just gone through quite a rough period and now I have the time to relax awhile...before we get all cylinders going for the next audit. So now I can spend time now without worrying about documents for some time haha....and 3SG (NS) Hong, thanks for your support.

I have to tell you this: These tough times were a blessing, and opened my eyes greatly. Yeah, greatly.

The batch before mine left big shoes to step in. They performed so well that maintaining that standard seemed almost impossible. We had new guys, revocated riflemen and a storeman. Things outside the branch affected us too...company lines not exactly doing their job...and our boss being pressured to perform or else....(from what I saw)

I would say I won't focus on the result. This is not a statement to deflect any perceived defeat from not making the mark, but a proud string of words to state that I have found something Redcon1 cannot provide....and that's brothers in the army. Band of Brothers lol

We worked our asses off in the office, and had to resort to sleeping on dockets like bleeding beggars!!! It was great fun :D People might seem disinterested in work, and others might say my branch are slackers. Let 'em go fly a kite. Hear their story 1st and you will know.

For example...Hafiidz has proven to be dependable albeit with a 'relack' attitude. John may not seem the most incisive of all R&D clerks, but he is full of spirit and a source of laughter. WQ could be looked upon as an 'arrow evader' but he will show up when the going gets tough.

Once you step down and dig in your heels with them, it is a joy to work together. We all need each other to work together. Together Everybody Achieves More. TEAM!

I guess people are hard to understand and we dont see the interesting side of them when we only talk about work. I won't say I have understood everyone in the office, but at least I can say that I have close contact with them. When tough times come, you see the true face of others. I did and I am greatful for it.

To the previous batch: Thanks for your support but I have to say this too...don't mind yourselves too much about the present the branch. We aren't as good yet but we will work towards it. We may not perform as well but I can say we are close and appreciate the company. Good job to the 11th mono, and the Best is yet to Be.

Not all is too rosy since the finish, and I am not talking about Redcon 2. Our chief clerk's mother is not too well in terms of health, and I ask of you to pray for her recovery. The branch will support her and whatever the outcome is, it is God-willed. You have my greatful thanks.

Well, I have to go off now, and dive back into the complexities of life. With this I wish you a good day, and God bless you.

Regards
Joshua

Hmph...

2006-01-10T20:02:00.000+08:00

Harroe Again :)

Can't help but feel negative. My morale is down to the rocks, and I grow weary with each passing second. I have already told myself that I am kind of fed-up of such 'defeatist sentiments', and being downcast continuously won't do much boon to the others around me. Sigh. God please help me.

Maybe this has to do with what is happening in my life right now...but I can't reveal too much here. It would violate the unseen laws of the army and land myself in some trouble haha. To take an objective look at my life, I would just say I am unaccustommed to the surroundings. Thing is, the surroundings are dynamic, and this time I am gravely caught off-guard.

Well, I won't be on mainland turf until Saturday and that doesn't mean I would be going Pulau Ubin or Pulau Hantu. :D I'll try to life myself up and get charged up. I still have a caring family and dependable friends in my life and yes, I am blessed to have all of them around.

In the end, I do not have the willpower to change myself, but it is the Will of God.

Take care and hopefully you can read nicer stuff next time.

Exit Stage Right,
Joshua

End of an Era

2006-01-02T20:02:00.000+08:00

Hello...

All good times come to an end. I had a long break briefly punctuated by a few days of work...totalling about 3. Well, it was good and made better with the arrival of my brother from the States. :) I have also been going out a lot and meeting up with good ole' pals. Adventures of daring and audacity to boot. A lot of fun, but reality is back.

Man I can't help feeling unenthusiastic right now as I will be booking in back to camp tonight. :( I am a stay-in clerk and in obeying the new rule, I will not be touching home for quite awhile.

Heck, many people are already doing this and I have little to complain about anyway. But it hits hard after about 5 months of staying-out (ie. going home everyday).

So due to my absence during the rest of the week until Friday, I won't be updating anytime soon. Drats.

Hey, stay well and don't worry about me too much. For those starting school: ENJOY YOURSELF!

Seeya
Joshua

Current Situation in Work

2005-12-30T00:12:00.000+08:00

Heya!!

I find it hard to think of words to describe my army life to other people. For one, it is due to I don't think much of what to say and always focusing on what to do. Also, blogging away freely is rather dangerous as I do not want to inplicate myself unnecessarily by commenting on rather sensitive issues.

Heck, life in office is not wholly enjoyable. In this world, there will always be the hypocrites and the fault-finders. I won't state any name here but disunity between different offices is no good. If people continue to find faults with one another, it spells doom for the whole company and we will do aboslutely no service to upkeep our reputation as the HQ.

It is sad that sometimes (like now) there are bad feelings between certain people. Politics is always dirty and stains those who deal in it. When it comes to office politicss, there is a difference between rank and affliation. Rank lays down the basic line of command, but affliation distorts it, granting rights to some and maligning others.

I will not specifically state my own grieviences but I am one for the unity of my own branch and the unit as a whole. As it is written in the Bible, let us continue to do our good works so that we cannot be found at fault by fault-finders. It is tough to withstand the lure of getting involved and stirring the crap out, but that is not my duty as a soldier. Do our job, serve and don't let others derail our own unity.

Well, in army it is not just who you are that determines one's experience in the army. It is also where one is posted to. Life will suck sometimes, and will be great sometimes. This is the time to grind and not be bothered too much on the myopic views of others.

Sorry if I sound negative or grim to you, but even as I as one for fun, life in office is sapping away my youth. In this struggle of life, I will encourage you here to do your job well, not for anything on earth, but for eternal treasures that are unseen.

Foong Out!
Joshua

A short update....

2005-12-30T00:04:00.000+08:00

Yoyoyo!

No matter how much I type how sorry I am for not updating...well you won't be convinced right? I knew it :) Just like to say although I haven't been blogging for a long time (1 month++) that doesn't mean nothing is happening in my life. Lots of things have happened and like myself, when I am innundated with so many events, blogging takes the backseat and somehow gets forgotten until someone says 'hey update man'. I am touched...and rather apologetic :(

Don't worry...I will be typing 'flashbacks' to detail to you what has happened to me (if you are sooooo interested) and just let you read the life of a loser and maybe equip you with knowledge to not be a loser. :D

Yeah I know the photo part of this blog is non-existent. That is a fact. Until I get my hands on certain media devices will I start to post pics here and there. No pictures is boring and well, I don't want to bore you too much and I will strive to add photos ok?

That's about all I have for this short update, and be assured that I'll keep you guys in the loop. Until the next post, have a nice day!

Regards
Joshua

13th November

2005-11-14T01:11:00.000+08:00

Hello!!!

It's me again writing to you! Welcome to my (rarely updated) blog! Take a seat and just read what I type here...and hope you dont fall asleep during your stay :)

If you have been following my life, good. Well, my branched just survived a HR Audit last Friday and due to the nature of my occupation...can't tell you much. Thing is, the result was good...but there were some things to note.

It wasn't perfect...we were given a lot of face. So what to do? Be thankful. :D So...I'd like to take this time to express my gratitude to CO for helping the branch a lot...the auditing team for their kind advice and to all in the branch who have put in effort for the audit.

The Big One isn't here yet and will be coming...hope we are better prepared and caught with our pants up.

Ahhh...work aside...my life is fine I'd guess. Still the usual go home and do my own things...go out for some gatherings and attend Church and the Fellowship. Hmmm...for this weekend (together with scheming peeps) celebrated a girl's birthday that touched her so much that she cried haha...but i won't say her name here. For me to know and for you to find out lol

Sigh...I am still nowhere in terms of further studies...and have yet to apply for anything. Well, I will continue thinking about it and ultimately it must be followed by action. I desire to expand my horizons and truly use my God-given gifts as a witness for Our heavenly Father.

Oh yeah...just read through my Junior College's yearbook...and the images in that book struck my heart. It made me realize how fun it was back then...all the friends, crazy moments, tough regimen and an unforgettable funfair coloured those 2 years. Makes me feel like wanting to go JC again haha...but I have to go on.

Hmmm sleeping yet? I hafta stop here and gotta go back to boring life :)

See you soon...and hope I update more regularly next time. :P
Joshua

Hello :)

2005-11-06T22:16:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah...

I haven't been blogging for a long time (again) and I won't list out the reasons why. Not my nature to bitch too much. My life has been hectic in all areas...although people would say my life is rather easy (get to book-out, no rigorous training...), my life has its own challenges and I don't think I am doing them too well at the moment haha :D

Office-wise, things are changing. For one, the cubicles have been shifted yet again, and the office now has a whole new arrangement. Although that meant more space for superiors, I ended up with just 1 partition and 1 table to call 'office'. Well, I am not complaining lol.

Yeah I gave a bold statement regarding PATS before this, and yes things have changed, but not by a lot like in the movies. I have begun to stamp my authority in the office (in line with my appointment), and now I challenge myself to break my introvert-ness and kick people to work. People have begun to stay-in and work on Saturday along with Chief Clerk.

This week will be crucial as PATS will be on 11 Nov 05 (this Friday)...and generally speaking, the branch has really big shoes to fill up. The previous batch scored high, and there is this expectation to keep up the standard (although the present batch is quite new). Feeling quite gloomy about work now...but I will hang on.

Yesterday, I gave a testimony sharing in church for 'Testimony Day'. It was a day for those who were baptized to share their testimonies. For some unexplainable reason, I agreed earlier to share mine...I came up, faced the audience and shared my part. Well, it was not as engaging as the others who showed great emotion in their testimonies.

I am bad at accepting compliments and I would like to take this time to express my heart-felt gratitude to those who have congratulated me on both willing to come up and to share my testimony. I apologize for my clumsy responces. You all will be my inspiration in the time to come...

Well, hafta go now and tomorrow's gonna be another working day for me. No rest for the wicked...

See ya
Joshua

Not All's Well...

2005-10-23T21:00:00.000+08:00

Hi...

Isn't it a common conception in Singapore that conscripts (NSFs) couldn't be bothered about their army lives? Let alone clerks or those in service units? On the surface, it seems rather justified as we don't get much pay, not much glory and it's only 2 years. Yeah it is a sweeping statement, but it is painfully true sometimes.

Well, my office now is in disunity and apathic to an audit (PATS) coming soon. Although some jobs get done, we only do them in the confines of our departments. In other words, I take care of my work, it gets done, I go home happy. I would have to ask myself, is that right?

Heck, I don't blame my upperstudy for giving my branch a dressing down. I'd encourage it. Well, since I am placed their on a rather high estab, it will be my job to get others working. That means more stay-ins, more hours in the office and more coffee drank :P

My main problem is that I am the youngest and lowest ranking person in the branch. Only thing I can leverage on is my appointment...and it will be a challenge to get those both older and more experienced to listen to me. Also, it is not my nature to kick people around. I shackle myself in my own job and rather not bother others for the sake of not engaging in conflict.

My plan will be simple. Teamwork. I don't care if my branch (or even myself) has been wasting time before this, but we are going to get PATS right. The branch will unite, and we will work together.

God, I express my burden to you...I am a weak human. You are my inspiration and I give thanks to your undying love. I am in a tough spot, and may the branch pull through it all. I put my life into your hands.

Jumping right back into the office...and let's see if there is any change.

Bye
Joshua

16th October 2005

2005-10-16T23:56:00.000+08:00

Hey

Today other than being a rather rainy day...it is a milestone in my life...I got baptized! I'd like to express my thanks for those who showed their support for me...I wouldn't be where I am without all of you guys. :) I am happy for myself and happier for the others who were baptized too.

I'd like to share a word about baptizm...and that is I am still imperfect and a sinner. It is not some ritual that certianly makes me pious or pure...but it represents my belief in Christ. I will sin and life from now on would still be tough...if not tougher. It is by God's grace, not my good works that make the difference.

Haiz...straight back to real life. Now as I go through the night, the next day will be Monday and that means...same old office yet again! Work all flying in for me...arrows here and there...it can get quite hectic. Don't know how my upper study survived so well...heck gotta enjoy my job. (feign smile) Hey, it's the people and friends at work that make it nicer haha.

Before I go...I'd like to share a pic from a friend's handphone...don't I look gross.

Have fun out there :)
Joshua

Hmmmm...

2005-10-15T00:21:00.000+08:00

Hey'all

Thanks for all the comments you have put in my blog, but one stands out and strikes me the most. Unfortunately the author is 'anonymous' (but roughly sounds like my brother)...and yeah I'd like to share about it now.

Well...he/she left a comment that reads like this:

'What have you reduced yourself to? A sad sack of self-pity? Expect no pity for weakness.'

That got me thinking. It may sound like a very negative comment to put, but it speaks truth...to me. Tough world we all live in huh? Being a self-piteous person is not a great thing...but I have to accept that that is me. Better to be labelled a sad sack than hide it in a facade of confidence I'd say. God gave me this weakness with a purpose.

At times I do pity myself...knowing that there will always be one person better than me in any area. It's perfectly human to me to feel such sorrow...and I am interested in finding more about this trait of mine. How do I exactly act that would make me qualify as a sad sack? What is the explanantion behind my self-degrading nature?

An answer I would provide now is my in-grown concept of humility that I had since young. Instead of thinking of myself less (serving others more)...I think less of myself (putting myself down). I purposely pull down my achievements and amplify my weaknesses to make myself seem orindary to others. I feared being over-confident...unknowingly inflating my ego, leading myself into humiliating defeat.

This is a part of me, and it will be a challenge for me to change it. I cannot do such things myself, well would you be able to do it Anonymous? I'd like to see anyone to do that.

Thanks Anonymous for your remark, and I won't wallow over that too much. Not that I will dive into ignorance and shield myself from criticism...but I am applying your words to my life. Sad sack eh? I won't look forward staying like that chum.

God, succeed or fail is not my say...but more importantly is that I constantly try, and my clerk-life provides me with quite a slew of opportunities. I won't expect anyone to sit beside me when I cry...but I aspire to cry with others, for there are many out there with hurts (espacially those that are hidden) that can become too deep to handle.

Anonymous...if in the future you feel shattered, feel free to e-mail me and I will respond to you.

Man it is late...gotta go now. :)

God Bless,
Joshua

MC

2005-10-06T18:47:00.000+08:00

Sorry I haven't been posting for a really long time...(again)

Things right now aren't going too well. I had flu since Tues and on MC from yesterday till today...so more or less I spent time at home just sleeping and sleeping...zzzZZZzzz...had some time to reflect on my life. :)

Worse...due to that I missed my 2nd BTT (Basic Theory Test)!!! It is really frustrating as I will have to take a 3rd Evaluation (a mock test) to take the BTT yet again...$$$ and time wasted. Sucks huh? But oh well, this won't make me give up on driving. Maybe God has a purpose for me behind all of this BTT conundrum...Sigh...have to go on.

Right now I am just recovering from my flu...and my head stilll feels a bit grogy, perpetualy spinning round and round...and I cannot think as clearly as I can before. Missing 2 days of work = lots of work waiting for me.

My life may not seem very enjoyable now, but through all this pain and sickness there is one thing I'd like to share with you that I have experienced: my parents' love. Although I have burdened my parents quite a lot, they did all they could to get me back in shape. They sent me to a doctor...Dad postphoned an appointment in the process...they sacrificed their time for me.

I am fortunate to have such supporting parents, and I know there are many broken families out there. Well no matter who you are, I will pray for you.

There is a lot of the world out there that I have yet to learn...and it will be tough.

See ya
Josh

Yoyoyo

2005-09-28T21:41:00.000+08:00

Harroe...

Sorry I haven't been posting regularly, this being more than a week after my last post...sigh. My life's been busy...both at work and at home.

Many tasks/arrows to settle, athletic Pentnium 1s and late book-outs make my day in Mandai. I have recently re-started my 'Warhammer Painting Project', keeping up my adherence to quiet time and BBC News reading (I am a nerd)...I am left with little time on the net.

So to those who think I am absolutely lazy in updating my blog: sorry. Next time just give me a big OI!!! on the comments and I might post. :D

Oh well...for quite some time there's something nagging me right now. I feel (and maybe others too) that I close myself to others too much. Can't really express it too well, but there's something preventing me from exposing the deepest things in my life, and even from myself..scary huh?

It could be a result of my upbringing...I grew sticking to a low-profile. Having a low-profile kept me out of the attention of others, and allowed me to socially maneuver between friends, since different people only knew different parts of my life...that equates to no one having a complete history on me. Therefore I had some freedom on how to present myself to others...some theory haha.

But why it troubles me...because I struggle to open myself up to my friends. This sucks (mind me) as I always end up bottling my deepest thoughts inside myself, and this 'mental pressure' builds up. This pressure somehow contributes to stress and looking at my desk-job, stress sucks and maybe kills haha.

Maybe I am changing...I am now found wanting to open myself up to others to have them know me better, and in the end form closer and more intimate bonds with those I cherish. Don't love the fact that people live without actually knowing how I feel about them.

Change always brings losses and gains. Living in this 'zero-sum' world...I guess I will lose some and hopefully gain some. So to those out there, I gladly welcome you to help shape my life. Nothing beats the support of others when I am struggling with something myself. :)

Have to go now and return back to my real life...hope you have a good day and stay smart!

Yours
Joshua

Loong time no post

2005-09-18T23:10:00.000+08:00

Hello yet again :)

There has always been 1 pattern in my life: Work work work and become so absorbed in work that I cannot remember what I have actually done for work. Weird...or maybe I am getting old.

I know I haven't been updating this blog for long time, and it is about time to do so. So if you have been reading this continuously: THANK YOU.

I guess for all this while I have been in the 'introspection mode'. More or less it is just looking into myself and kind of explore myself through life experience or interaction with others...and I would say I am at least getting somewhere compared to last time.

Nowsadays as I see the people around me...I started thinking about living for each and every one of them. Close friends and complete strangers...I feel that the responsibility for taking care of each of them well is great. God loves us all and I am not sure whether caring for others is the true path I am to take in my life in accordance to God's Will.

Oh well back to reality and Monday, couldn't get any better can it? It can for I would know...

See ya
Joshua

Hopeless...urgh

2005-09-11T18:48:00.000+08:00

Hey hey hey its me again :)

I have one problem in life right now and I am gonna share it with you guys.

People may say my life is all set to go:

Respectable A'level results (can go for courses I want)
A financially well-off background (yes vroom vroom)
Great family which is quite close (something I cherish a lot)
Have an active job in NS (nicer word for busy)
Got 1.5 years to 'chart' my future uni life (hopefully stay-out haha)
And not forgetting....knowing God! (most important yea?)

But I still don't feel right...kinda like I feel hopeless. Yeah repeat that? HOPELESS. It's not that I am going to bitch about myself, but I just feel worried and gloomy about my own life, and even lonely and unknown. God bless that I feel better than last time.

I theorized that I had an underlying problem which has not been found, and this problem keeps on nagging on my conscience. Could it be the army taking out too much of my life? Beats me...so what do I do? Ask around for advice, which I admit I didn't ask a lot of people.

From what I hear, my life is good to go, but there is just a lot of things waiting to happen. Somehow I guess my life is like a lighted fuse...trailing to a pile of TNT. Sigh shouldn't I be squealing in delight? Thing is: I don't feel like it.

Well I will take heart of having gone through this episode for my life will change and I will move forward towards my calling. Then I hope I will be of service to others.

See ya another time :)

Joshua

1 Month Long

2005-09-05T19:04:00.000+08:00

Heya

I know it has been a great time since I entered an entry, for I have been through a nadir of my life. Right now I may not be of best of health and staying-in too...but that won't stop me from making your visit welcome. :)

Well the huge challenge I faced was when I totally lost inspiration. Nothing I ever did brought any respite to my tired soul. I had great times with friends, and I appreciate that...but I just felt empty, like there's a hole unanswered.

Of course it would be easy to say that the hole is to be filled by God, but it just doesn't happen like that. But getting it correct is way different from understanding it correctly.

We may get the answer correct 1st, but it is the grinding and the refining that we go through 'till the end that truly substantiate our lives. God intend for us to go through all of the muck of life, for in the end, we may come out all the more mature.

So if any of you have a huge problem that you can't answer, don't worry...it's natural. Answers can't be instantly answered all the time, and it doesn't matter how long it takes...as long as you answer it. We may never answer all the questions in life, heck just stick to it and don't give up!

Thanks for reading.

Joshua

Looong time busy

2005-08-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

Heya

Been ground to the ground for this week, and with my predessessor clearing off/leave while the branch ventures on towards a gloomy future...will miss the previous batch.

One thing I find hard to do is to love everyone. Let's admit, we are imperfect and others are just as imperfect to. We are drawn to some easier and repelled by others at first sight.

Well, I have made loving others my 'life-goal' and with the help and blessing of God, I maybe able to truly love people put around me. I will perish one day from the face of the Earth (and to the delight of some hahahaha) and I only bring my character along with me.

Time on Earth is for us to grow for eternity, and it is limited. We will never know what happens or how exactly the person is...a lot of 'unknowns' which can only be known if we form bridges with others...including our own list of undesirables.

With this I end here, and wish you (whoever you are) all the best in life. :)

Working Flu

2005-07-27T23:11:00.000+08:00

Hmmmzzz...

Ever had one of those days where you got flu? (of course you have...duh) Man those days suck espacially when you are in an air-con room right?

Keep sneezing and sneezing...and for me I become quite tired and in 'dire need of food'. Yes, I feel incredibly weak when such crap happens to me...like my energy was sapped clean. I was desperate to actually eat pao in office...scraping the dough off the paper...

And you'd guessed it! Such a day was today! Still feeling the effects...I think my temperature is a bit higher than usual...and my throat and nose feel bad...but not soooo bad la. Lucky the flu's gone, yay something to smile about haha :)

But such a thing has taught me that I am fortunate to have friends man. When I was in what you'd call a bad shape, I was given drink mixes and meds that help me lots. Couple this with friends who help you along...well thank God that I am blessed! Of course I would have to reciprocate it one day...and I will.

Friends are great to have on Earth, but we still have to be sensitive to those around us who may not experiance such joy. Well, no one is an island and I suggest that we open ourselves up to others and help one another. You will never know a person well by not talking to him/her at all I say.

I maybe being too +++positive+++ here, and of course friendship isn't rosy all the time. It is all these small things that God places in our lives to teach us even more on life.

Crud-ful Day

2005-07-26T23:09:00.000+08:00

Hello again...welcome!

Today can be called a rather bad day, not because of a lot of stuff to do (and stress)...BUT practically a lotta things went wrong today... :( boo hoo...

I won't waste your time bitchin' about them...so in short: getting screwed hereand there, confusion here forgetfulness there, late bus and stuff...but feeling crappy about them ain't all that there is!

Well the importance of all of this is: God is behind all of them. Earth is temporal and God doesn't want us to be toooo attached to the world we are in. (but I'd guess some treats won't hurt haha)

So point is we have all this hurt and pain so that we don't get fond with the world and probably mature too...

One thing I can't figure is that no matter what wise sayings I tell myself about the crap in life (like learn and become better...or don't look invulnerable, share your weaknesses)...I always feel this resentment in me heart. Ouch.

Guess I am not there yet and have to grow more 'till I am called home...hmmmz. Then keep on going I guess...

Work so far...

2005-07-23T20:49:00.000+08:00

The army is a place to learn a great many things...but it all depends on how you react. Clerk life may not be the toughest...but there are times when you are challenged by tough situations...some by my own blurness.

One of them was learning from mistakes. I have fumbled a few times in my career and when told of my mistakes...I did get all fired up. >-( WHY? Because I thought I was being made to look stupid and the other party's intention is to seem superior to you.

Of course I was damn frus and on the last few strands of control I had...I asked God: how should I respond? Hold onto my 'integrity' and just close up...or just forget about pride and look into the other guy's eyes and learn?

Thankfully I have choosen the latter route and learned a handful of things from mistakes. I am far from perfect (only 1 month man) but at least getting a hand at this. My predessessor has somehow left a legacy for me (preparing all the notes to read and helping me do some stuff)...I do hope I can take over the reigns sufficiently well. :)

Been Thinking

2005-07-20T22:37:00.000+08:00

Hmmmm been reading my own entries and somehow I don't feel quite comfy with 'em...ugh.

Basically they have been a tad too +ve for me...and somehow missed a great point of Life (in my view). Maybe I was on drugs or something...more ugh.

Well yeah they be some motivational things I come out at times...but I do admit they aren't complete. Ok so if we may feel good (or high)...but in the end is there a purpose behind it? I mean, there's just no point seeking happiness just to feel great.

Ever wonder why there are so many self-help books? Probably there aren't any trully satisfied customers...

If you'd ask me purpose doesn't begin from self, but from where self starts from: God. (If you are fanatically athetist you can flame me now haha.) It is cliched for me to say that my purpose of life is to live the purpose God has given me. Cliched it maybe, but it is true.

Why submit to God? Isn't being quite naive just to throw out everything and follow God who cannot be seen and doesn't directly show Himself to you. It's quite a question to answer for me, as there're many viewpoints.

Frankly it has been a product of my life it led me to this: whatever we have now is temporal, but God is eternal. The world we live in now is a stage, some would say a crash course for heaven. There is a Godly purpose to our lives right now.

Well still not convinced or greatly fired up? I am quite muddled up in my mind right now, and probably come up with something later on....

Bored? Please don't be :)

2005-07-19T23:47:00.000+08:00

Ni hao,

Making noise again at this little corner of the internet...buzzzzz zing boom ba-la beem! Swish boom bang! (they're actually called onomatopoeias) Man hafta let out the stress from my life man (or maybe i stress myself too much too :P) Slowly taking over from my predecessor in camp and soon to grow white hair lol.

Hmmm so how are you today? Great? Good...Bad? I'll pray for you. I guess we have to remind ourselves that we can't be on high all the time and blah blah. Most importantly, learn from painful experiences, for they are our greatest teachers.

If you are bored and reading this (which is totally expected), I'll tell you something: DO SOMETHING! Yeah being bored sux, but rest assured there is something to do. It is hard to do stuff...needs effort to overcome inertia...but do ask for help. Start a blog, read a book, do a hobby...I recommend stuff never tried before.

Easy for me to say, hard to do right? Correct. If you are really bored drop me an e-mail meester_yuri@yahoo.co.uk or something and I will try me best to help. I gots sometime...but remember, I have a job to do (or forced to)

Gotta go back and sleep for a new tomorrow. See you again and may you have a good time. :)

Looong Week

2005-07-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

Hey there Mr/Ms/Mrs/Mdm/Dr. Surfer,

You'd probably notice that it has been a week since I have last updated me blog. Frankly, I have been busy all week long and now with the little time left, I'll try to catch-up on things I have put ON HOLD.

What to know what I have been up to? Yeah?

Well Clerk Life is not slack, truth be told. It has been a great transition for me and I am still not in 'optimal mode'. My job has been taxing due to a bilateral exercise (hafta do maths and stuff) and my need to quickly learn the ropes before my predecessors welcome CV life. :(

Outside job life was also busy busy busy...my church happens to have a fund-raising event on Sunday and my sister also held her b'day party on sun too! Clashing fun.

My week in summary: outta house..work in camp...exercise...learn new things (and screw-up)...come back home...bed...sleep...6am...work. In between the '...'s is deliberating on the church event and maybe the occasional thought on life.

Oh well if you got here...skipping paragraphs or blinding yourself with my blabbering...nice job!

Just like to say that we all can't choose if we want to be rich or poor, busy or free, male or female. All I can say is that if we can't choose our life, we can choose how to respond. Need inpiration? It will come when it wants to come...and life will always be a challenge. Live up to it!

Fun fun Saturday...

2005-07-09T09:09:00.000+08:00

Well one thing army does to you (and maybe worklife too) is make your holidays evaporate fast. Today may have gone fast for me, made me shack...but all the worthwhile. :)

No LAN, no cinema, no cost per hour. But all the fun. Ladies and gentlemen...I introduce to you Warhammer. Yes geek stuff and pretty high cost (over 2 years or so) and lots of commitment...but with rewards.

Friends together having a good time...that's what Warhammer is. Same figures, same rules but different minds and ideas make it whole. I used to be unspirited about it as I found myself struggling to paint up my army...then with each game played I enjoyed the warmth of friendship warhammer gives. :D

So I am just saying...do you find that you are doing the same old things with friends? Well don't let up! Still have friends and that rocks. It will be a challenge to think of something to do together. A simple chat would be nice...maybe learn something or do something new together and have a laugh!

I value the time and contact I spend with my friends a lot. No man's an island, and no man's a robot...just don't settle for a shortcut for enjoying weekends. A little more thought goes a long way....

Harrowing.

2005-07-07T21:22:00.001+08:00

Today is the 7th of July, London is struck by a lethal wave of explosions across the city. Londoners are aghast of the horror, and terrorists stake claim to such barbarism.

It must have been quite a rollercoaster ride for a Londoner right now...having just won the hosting of the 2012 Olympics, their euphoria was abruptly cut short by the attack.

I wonder why does a bombing in London inspire greater interest than what Iraqis go through daily? Yes the victims deserve the sympathy, I am with the world to mourn over the attack. It is terrible and I feel the sense of 'loss-ness' when such tragedy strikes.

In the end, many days after this infamous event, will we remember their deaths more than the lives of the Iraqi or Thai who loses his/her life to violence?

Aren't we staring at an ugly side of our civilized world'? We still value different lives differently and in the end we are quite subjective to what we screen off the media.

Of course the media has its job to report what the viewership wants, and we are inherently more interested in events which we can identify ourselves closer to. (Go ahead and flame me on this...)

It is sad we haven't gotten around our partially for others, but it isn't a time to be stiffly judgmental now...appropriateness governs after all.

The attacks have happened and the shockwaves still linger on. Thus, I will like to take this period to wish the best for the victims and their families. It is truly one of the darkest hours London has had, and the emotional shock would naturally be tremendously severe. Forgive me if I sounded too harsh or insincere.

Here's my prayer to the world: For us to remember that God sees us in all our sufferings, regardless of status. In our darkest times shall we exhibit the true light of God. We all are children of God and let's pay respect for those who have lost greatly. Reflect and learn what we can, and step on forward...

The 1st Step

2005-07-07T20:35:00.000+08:00

Hello to anyone who gets here...welcome to my blog, situated in a little tiny corner of the realm we call the internet. So cut short the words, and let's get going! (Friendster does the intro-ing of me, so I won't bore you with every detail of my life.)

What to expect? You ask me.

Well blogs are blogs...a portal for me to express whatever I need right down here. Just leave the posting to me, and may you find it at least worthwhile to read. Something crappy for me to rant on? A good thing that happened to me? A dead boring day for me to demoralise you? Pure rubbish?

ANYTHING

Enjoy! :)