Not All's Well...

Hi...

Isn't it a common conception in Singapore that conscripts (NSFs) couldn't be bothered about their army lives? Let alone clerks or those in service units? On the surface, it seems rather justified as we don't get much pay, not much glory and it's only 2 years. Yeah it is a sweeping statement, but it is painfully true sometimes.

Well, my office now is in disunity and apathic to an audit (PATS) coming soon. Although some jobs get done, we only do them in the confines of our departments. In other words, I take care of my work, it gets done, I go home happy. I would have to ask myself, is that right?

Heck, I don't blame my upperstudy for giving my branch a dressing down. I'd encourage it. Well, since I am placed their on a rather high estab, it will be my job to get others working. That means more stay-ins, more hours in the office and more coffee drank :P

My main problem is that I am the youngest and lowest ranking person in the branch. Only thing I can leverage on is my appointment...and it will be a challenge to get those both older and more experienced to listen to me. Also, it is not my nature to kick people around. I shackle myself in my own job and rather not bother others for the sake of not engaging in conflict.

My plan will be simple. Teamwork. I don't care if my branch (or even myself) has been wasting time before this, but we are going to get PATS right. The branch will unite, and we will work together.

God, I express my burden to you...I am a weak human. You are my inspiration and I give thanks to your undying love. I am in a tough spot, and may the branch pull through it all. I put my life into your hands.

Jumping right back into the office...and let's see if there is any change.

Bye
Joshua

16th October 2005

Hey

Today other than being a rather rainy day...it is a milestone in my life...I got baptized! I'd like to express my thanks for those who showed their support for me...I wouldn't be where I am without all of you guys. :) I am happy for myself and happier for the others who were baptized too.

I'd like to share a word about baptizm...and that is I am still imperfect and a sinner. It is not some ritual that certianly makes me pious or pure...but it represents my belief in Christ. I will sin and life from now on would still be tough...if not tougher. It is by God's grace, not my good works that make the difference.

Haiz...straight back to real life. Now as I go through the night, the next day will be Monday and that means...same old office yet again! Work all flying in for me...arrows here and there...it can get quite hectic. Don't know how my upper study survived so well...heck gotta enjoy my job. (feign smile) Hey, it's the people and friends at work that make it nicer haha.

Before I go...I'd like to share a pic from a friend's handphone...don't I look gross.



Have fun out there :)
Joshua

Hmmmm...

Hey'all

Thanks for all the comments you have put in my blog, but one stands out and strikes me the most. Unfortunately the author is 'anonymous' (but roughly sounds like my brother)...and yeah I'd like to share about it now.

Well...he/she left a comment that reads like this:

'What have you reduced yourself to? A sad sack of self-pity? Expect no pity for weakness.'

That got me thinking. It may sound like a very negative comment to put, but it speaks truth...to me. Tough world we all live in huh? Being a self-piteous person is not a great thing...but I have to accept that that is me. Better to be labelled a sad sack than hide it in a facade of confidence I'd say. God gave me this weakness with a purpose.

At times I do pity myself...knowing that there will always be one person better than me in any area. It's perfectly human to me to feel such sorrow...and I am interested in finding more about this trait of mine. How do I exactly act that would make me qualify as a sad sack? What is the explanantion behind my self-degrading nature?

An answer I would provide now is my in-grown concept of humility that I had since young. Instead of thinking of myself less (serving others more)...I think less of myself (putting myself down). I purposely pull down my achievements and amplify my weaknesses to make myself seem orindary to others. I feared being over-confident...unknowingly inflating my ego, leading myself into humiliating defeat.

This is a part of me, and it will be a challenge for me to change it. I cannot do such things myself, well would you be able to do it Anonymous? I'd like to see anyone to do that.

Thanks Anonymous for your remark, and I won't wallow over that too much. Not that I will dive into ignorance and shield myself from criticism...but I am applying your words to my life. Sad sack eh? I won't look forward staying like that chum.

God, succeed or fail is not my say...but more importantly is that I constantly try, and my clerk-life provides me with quite a slew of opportunities. I won't expect anyone to sit beside me when I cry...but I aspire to cry with others, for there are many out there with hurts (espacially those that are hidden) that can become too deep to handle.

Anonymous...if in the future you feel shattered, feel free to e-mail me and I will respond to you.

Man it is late...gotta go now. :)

God Bless,
Joshua

MC

Sorry I haven't been posting for a really long time...(again)

Things right now aren't going too well. I had flu since Tues and on MC from yesterday till today...so more or less I spent time at home just sleeping and sleeping...zzzZZZzzz...had some time to reflect on my life. :)

Worse...due to that I missed my 2nd BTT (Basic Theory Test)!!! It is really frustrating as I will have to take a 3rd Evaluation (a mock test) to take the BTT yet again...$$$ and time wasted. Sucks huh? But oh well, this won't make me give up on driving. Maybe God has a purpose for me behind all of this BTT conundrum...Sigh...have to go on.

Right now I am just recovering from my flu...and my head stilll feels a bit grogy, perpetualy spinning round and round...and I cannot think as clearly as I can before. Missing 2 days of work = lots of work waiting for me.

My life may not seem very enjoyable now, but through all this pain and sickness there is one thing I'd like to share with you that I have experienced: my parents' love. Although I have burdened my parents quite a lot, they did all they could to get me back in shape. They sent me to a doctor...Dad postphoned an appointment in the process...they sacrificed their time for me.

I am fortunate to have such supporting parents, and I know there are many broken families out there. Well no matter who you are, I will pray for you.

There is a lot of the world out there that I have yet to learn...and it will be tough.

See ya
Josh