Hmmmm...

Hey'all

Thanks for all the comments you have put in my blog, but one stands out and strikes me the most. Unfortunately the author is 'anonymous' (but roughly sounds like my brother)...and yeah I'd like to share about it now.

Well...he/she left a comment that reads like this:

'What have you reduced yourself to? A sad sack of self-pity? Expect no pity for weakness.'

That got me thinking. It may sound like a very negative comment to put, but it speaks truth...to me. Tough world we all live in huh? Being a self-piteous person is not a great thing...but I have to accept that that is me. Better to be labelled a sad sack than hide it in a facade of confidence I'd say. God gave me this weakness with a purpose.

At times I do pity myself...knowing that there will always be one person better than me in any area. It's perfectly human to me to feel such sorrow...and I am interested in finding more about this trait of mine. How do I exactly act that would make me qualify as a sad sack? What is the explanantion behind my self-degrading nature?

An answer I would provide now is my in-grown concept of humility that I had since young. Instead of thinking of myself less (serving others more)...I think less of myself (putting myself down). I purposely pull down my achievements and amplify my weaknesses to make myself seem orindary to others. I feared being over-confident...unknowingly inflating my ego, leading myself into humiliating defeat.

This is a part of me, and it will be a challenge for me to change it. I cannot do such things myself, well would you be able to do it Anonymous? I'd like to see anyone to do that.

Thanks Anonymous for your remark, and I won't wallow over that too much. Not that I will dive into ignorance and shield myself from criticism...but I am applying your words to my life. Sad sack eh? I won't look forward staying like that chum.

God, succeed or fail is not my say...but more importantly is that I constantly try, and my clerk-life provides me with quite a slew of opportunities. I won't expect anyone to sit beside me when I cry...but I aspire to cry with others, for there are many out there with hurts (espacially those that are hidden) that can become too deep to handle.

Anonymous...if in the future you feel shattered, feel free to e-mail me and I will respond to you.

Man it is late...gotta go now. :)

God Bless,
Joshua