The Word 'but'

Hello

How have you been doing? Not everyone has an easy life and I appreciate you coming down to this blog. Not that I would like to invite self-pity, it is a show of appreciation of those who actually come here to read this blog. That's all.

After gone through a few meetings...I'd like to share something that could prove useful in life.

The Word 'But'

Everybody we meet wants to be heard. Guess that's the point why we want to talk to others. What if we disagree with what he/she said? Is there a way to disagree in an unoffending manner?

This has been a mental puzzle for me. I tried to rehearse such discussions through my mind and I knew the natural way of disagreeing sounded wrong.

Dale Carnegie pointed out a simple fact: It's the word 'but'.

Remember this popular stereotype on TV during the '80s and '90s?

Boss: 'DO THIS'
Employee/hireling: 'But...'
Boss: 'No buts!'

From here we can see a very poignant lesson in life that few (especially in Singapore) fail to learn. The boss is actually right.

The word 'but' aggressively negates whatever is said before it. Something can't be true and agree with what is said after the 'BUT'. Short, sharp and sting-y.

So in our conversations with others...using the word 'but' is not a great sign to show that we actually listen and appreciate (process and think through...) what he/she has said earlier. Worse still, if we start off 'BUT'!

And in the end...what should we do?

Simple, replace it with 'and'. Try it.

So for a very simple example:

A: 'Ok guys, let's do X...'
B: 'Well, A, we can do X and we should consider (point of disagreement).'

This method takes the sting out, perhaps makes us really think what the other has said, and in effect demonstrates appropriate sympathy for their views.

That's my 2 cents for now, and I hope it helps. If you're more interested in this kind of human relation stuff, I strongly suggest the Dale Carnegie Course. Reading his books is barely enough :) Hehe trust me.

Well, hope to see you guys back here another time! Have fun and remember to eat your vitamins.

God Bless,
Joshua