Yoyoyo

Harroe...

Sorry I haven't been posting regularly, this being more than a week after my last post...sigh. My life's been busy...both at work and at home.

Many tasks/arrows to settle, athletic Pentnium 1s and late book-outs make my day in Mandai. I have recently re-started my 'Warhammer Painting Project', keeping up my adherence to quiet time and BBC News reading (I am a nerd)...I am left with little time on the net.

So to those who think I am absolutely lazy in updating my blog: sorry. Next time just give me a big OI!!! on the comments and I might post. :D

Oh well...for quite some time there's something nagging me right now. I feel (and maybe others too) that I close myself to others too much. Can't really express it too well, but there's something preventing me from exposing the deepest things in my life, and even from myself..scary huh?

It could be a result of my upbringing...I grew sticking to a low-profile. Having a low-profile kept me out of the attention of others, and allowed me to socially maneuver between friends, since different people only knew different parts of my life...that equates to no one having a complete history on me. Therefore I had some freedom on how to present myself to others...some theory haha.

But why it troubles me...because I struggle to open myself up to my friends. This sucks (mind me) as I always end up bottling my deepest thoughts inside myself, and this 'mental pressure' builds up. This pressure somehow contributes to stress and looking at my desk-job, stress sucks and maybe kills haha.

Maybe I am changing...I am now found wanting to open myself up to others to have them know me better, and in the end form closer and more intimate bonds with those I cherish. Don't love the fact that people live without actually knowing how I feel about them.

Change always brings losses and gains. Living in this 'zero-sum' world...I guess I will lose some and hopefully gain some. So to those out there, I gladly welcome you to help shape my life. Nothing beats the support of others when I am struggling with something myself. :)

Have to go now and return back to my real life...hope you have a good day and stay smart!

Yours
Joshua

Loong time no post

Hello yet again :)

There has always been 1 pattern in my life: Work work work and become so absorbed in work that I cannot remember what I have actually done for work. Weird...or maybe I am getting old.

I know I haven't been updating this blog for long time, and it is about time to do so. So if you have been reading this continuously: THANK YOU.

I guess for all this while I have been in the 'introspection mode'. More or less it is just looking into myself and kind of explore myself through life experience or interaction with others...and I would say I am at least getting somewhere compared to last time.

Nowsadays as I see the people around me...I started thinking about living for each and every one of them. Close friends and complete strangers...I feel that the responsibility for taking care of each of them well is great. God loves us all and I am not sure whether caring for others is the true path I am to take in my life in accordance to God's Will.

Oh well back to reality and Monday, couldn't get any better can it? It can for I would know...

See ya
Joshua

Hopeless...urgh

Hey hey hey its me again :)

I have one problem in life right now and I am gonna share it with you guys.

People may say my life is all set to go:

• Respectable A'level results (can go for courses I want)
• A financially well-off background (yes vroom vroom)
• Great family which is quite close (something I cherish a lot)
• Have an active job in NS (nicer word for busy)
  
• Got 1.5 years to 'chart' my future uni life (hopefully stay-out haha)
• And not forgetting....knowing God! (most important yea?)

But I still don't feel right...kinda like I feel hopeless. Yeah repeat that? HOPELESS. It's not that I am going to bitch about myself, but I just feel worried and gloomy about my own life, and even lonely and unknown. God bless that I feel better than last time.

I theorized that I had an underlying problem which has not been found, and this problem keeps on nagging on my conscience. Could it be the army taking out too much of my life? Beats me...so what do I do? Ask around for advice, which I admit I didn't ask a lot of people.

From what I hear, my life is good to go, but there is just a lot of things waiting to happen. Somehow I guess my life is like a lighted fuse...trailing to a pile of TNT. Sigh shouldn't I be squealing in delight? Thing is: I don't feel like it.

Well I will take heart of having gone through this episode for my life will change and I will move forward towards my calling. Then I hope I will be of service to others.

See ya another time :)

Joshua

1 Month Long

Heya

I know it has been a great time since I entered an entry, for I have been through a nadir of my life. Right now I may not be of best of health and staying-in too...but that won't stop me from making your visit welcome. :)

Well the huge challenge I faced was when I totally lost inspiration. Nothing I ever did brought any respite to my tired soul. I had great times with friends, and I appreciate that...but I just felt empty, like there's a hole unanswered.

Of course it would be easy to say that the hole is to be filled by God, but it just doesn't happen like that. But getting it correct is way different from understanding it correctly.

We may get the answer correct 1st, but it is the grinding and the refining that we go through 'till the end that truly substantiate our lives. God intend for us to go through all of the muck of life, for in the end, we may come out all the more mature.

So if any of you have a huge problem that you can't answer, don't worry...it's natural. Answers can't be instantly answered all the time, and it doesn't matter how long it takes...as long as you answer it. We may never answer all the questions in life, heck just stick to it and don't give up!

Thanks for reading.

Joshua