Yoyoyo

Harroe...

Sorry I haven't been posting regularly, this being more than a week after my last post...sigh. My life's been busy...both at work and at home.

Many tasks/arrows to settle, athletic Pentnium 1s and late book-outs make my day in Mandai. I have recently re-started my 'Warhammer Painting Project', keeping up my adherence to quiet time and BBC News reading (I am a nerd)...I am left with little time on the net.

So to those who think I am absolutely lazy in updating my blog: sorry. Next time just give me a big OI!!! on the comments and I might post. :D

Oh well...for quite some time there's something nagging me right now. I feel (and maybe others too) that I close myself to others too much. Can't really express it too well, but there's something preventing me from exposing the deepest things in my life, and even from myself..scary huh?

It could be a result of my upbringing...I grew sticking to a low-profile. Having a low-profile kept me out of the attention of others, and allowed me to socially maneuver between friends, since different people only knew different parts of my life...that equates to no one having a complete history on me. Therefore I had some freedom on how to present myself to others...some theory haha.

But why it troubles me...because I struggle to open myself up to my friends. This sucks (mind me) as I always end up bottling my deepest thoughts inside myself, and this 'mental pressure' builds up. This pressure somehow contributes to stress and looking at my desk-job, stress sucks and maybe kills haha.

Maybe I am changing...I am now found wanting to open myself up to others to have them know me better, and in the end form closer and more intimate bonds with those I cherish. Don't love the fact that people live without actually knowing how I feel about them.

Change always brings losses and gains. Living in this 'zero-sum' world...I guess I will lose some and hopefully gain some. So to those out there, I gladly welcome you to help shape my life. Nothing beats the support of others when I am struggling with something myself. :)

Have to go now and return back to my real life...hope you have a good day and stay smart!

Yours
Joshua