30th January 2006

Hi All :)

Yesterday (other than being the 1st day of the Lunar New Year) was my 20th Birthday!!! It may seem that it would have been a blast for me, but it was rather quiet. Hmmm maybe people are more interested in hongbaos lol.

Well, that doesn't matter anyway, as my friends and pals remembered it. And if you'd like to wish me (not that I am all that important), you have my utmost gratitude.

For a fact, I haven't applied to any university yet. People seem to be more interested in my life than even myself! For one, my mom would push me constantly...raising this subject at the dinner table, cutting out newspaper cuttings for some seminars and buying reference books for admissions. Thank God for my mom. :P

My grades aren't too bad and my noggin is still quietly functioning within the confines of my head. However, I keep hearing of family members or children of friends of my aunt who study in high up places. Man these high-flyers seem untouchable and I don't feel at ease hearing about them. You can put it down to jealousy (maybe), but frankly it is not really my place there. I have never been one and it is not my job to throw all my aspirations to be one just for the sake of it.

This really makes me think: Who I am? God gives gifts to those He chooses, and what is my gift? What's so special about me?

Now that puts me in a very philosophical mood. For me it is characterised by moodiness (melancholy even) and a wandering mind. I ask myself questions (like those above) out loud sometimes, and people actually think there might be something wrong with me lol. Just think of one of those raving scientists that keep on asking questions to themselves. I feel like that.

Kind of think of it, the word 'question' had a 'fantasy-ish' feel to it to me. The word 'quest' stands out of it prominently, and I would dream myself as an audacious adventurer endeavoring out to solve the problem, going through thick and thin and risking it all. Ideally in the end, I would conclude it with a resounding note of satisfaction and ready for the next one.

In short, just juxtapose 'What did the author in line 2 mean?' with hobbits in LOTR. Get the picture?

I don't really know where I am headed to (not that I need to know it anyway), and the suspence does kill me. Well, this next step in my life is a crucial one as it decides where I would be in the future. Just like the PSLE or the 'O's, it will be followed by yet another trial.

Onward I shall march, and onward I shall answer my own questions.

Heck, maybe I bored you now have I? I know my typing is not typical of what you would find on a blog of a 20 year old. Young and old at heart haha.

See you around soon and Gong Xi Fai Chai!

Joshua